There was no joyousness and peace in the lower runways, but pain and
heavy pressures.... Bellair saw himself moving among those halls again,
not a stranger, but with a hand, a smile, a dollar. No one would moan
for days without his knowing. He would find day-work for the little
telephone miss, and send orders for hats to the milliner. He would
awaken that shadow of all the shadows, the landlady, with kindness and
healing. He would call across the windowed cavern.... They would say,
“Come over and help us,” and he would rush down stairs, and around
into other streets, and faces there would be ready to show him. He
saw it all clearly, such as it was, but no facts. They would not call
to him. They would not be healed. They would take a dollar, but say
he was cracked. He could move about passing forth a dollar here and
there--that was all. They would welcome him at Lot & Company’s if he
passed it out quietly enough. The dollar would go into the Sproxley
system and emerge unbroken to the firm itself, there to be had and held
and marked down in the house of Lot--Jabez, Nathan, Eben, Seth, each
a part, the jovial Mr. Rawter a small but visible part--one hundred
Sproxley-measured cents.... Davy Acton wouldn’t get one, nor Broadwell,
nor the girls upstairs. The firm would not encourage him passing beyond
the cage of Mr. Sproxley.... There were many who wanted food and drink
and hats--hats----”
He was with Bessie Brealt now ... that night and the kiss. It was
another life.... He went back to those who needed food--New York so
full of food. Then he felt the heavy wallet against his breast--one
paper in there would fill the open boat with food....
“My God,” he said.
* * * * *
He didn’t try to explain.... Sometimes he fell into a little dream as
he sat. Once he was drinking at the narrow throat of a green bottle,--a
magic bottle whose base was in the sea, and the trickle that passed
through was freshened drop by drop. But it was a trick like all else
in the world and the drops passed with agonising slowness. He came to,
sucking hard upon his brass key, his mouth ulcered from it.... There
were times in the long days that he hungered for the stars almost
as for drink; times in the night when the stars bored him like some
man-pageantry that he had seen too much of; times when the thought
of God was less than the thought of water; and times when the faith
and the glory of the spirit of the world made thirst a thing to laugh
at, and death whimsical and insignificant.... Sometimes in the night,
he fancied the woman was Bessie Brealt. It would come like a little
suspicion first hardly stirring his faculties; finally it would be
real--that the singing girl was there, all but her song. He would sit
up rubbing his eyes in rebellion. Once he had spoken to be sure.
“Yes, it is I,” she said huskily, and the voice was not Bessie
Brealt’s.
10
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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