Love Among the Lions: A Matrimonial ExperienceAnstey, F.
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Love Among the Lions: A Matrimonial Experience
Anstey, F.
Humorous stories; London (England) -- Fiction; Weddings -- Fiction
I was hopelessly in love from the very first; I thought of nothing but
how to obtain admission to her presence; as time went on, I fancied
that when I passed there was a gleam of recognition, of half-awakened
interest in her long-lashed eyes, but it was difficult to be certain.
On the railing by the door was a large brass plate, on which was
engraved: "Æneas Polkinghorne, Professor of Elocution. Prospectus
within." So I knew the name of my divinity. I can give no greater
indication of the extent of my passion, even at this stage, than by
saying that I found this surname musical, and lingered over each
syllable with delight.
But that brought me no nearer to her, and at last a plan occurred to
me by which the abyss of the area that separated us might possibly be
bridged over. Nothing could be simpler than my device--and yet there
was an audacity about it that rather startled me at first. It was
this: the brass plate said "Prospectus within." Very well, all I had
to do was to knock boldly and ask for one, which, after some natural
hesitation, I did.
Any wild hope of obtaining an interview with Miss Polkinghorne was
doomed to instant disappointment. I was received by the Professor
himself, a tall, stout, flabby person, with sandy hair combed back
over his brow and worn long behind, who showed a most sympathetic
interest in me, inquiring whether I wished to be prepared for the
Church, the Stage, or the Bar, or whether I had any idea of entering
Parliament. I fear I allowed him to suppose the latter, although I am
about as likely to get into Parliament as into an imperial pint
measure; but I had to say something to account for my visit, and the
tea-trade does not call for much in the way of oratorical skill from
its votaries.
Our interview was brief, but I came away, not only with a prospectus,
but with tickets, for which I paid cash, entitling me to a course of
six lessons in elocution.
This was rather more than I had calculated upon--but, at least, it
gave me the _entrée_ to the house, and it might lead to something
more.
It did not seem as if it was going to lead to much; the Professor's
method of teaching was peculiar: he would post me in a study at the
back of the house, where I was instructed to declaim some celebrated
oration at the top of my voice while he retired upstairs to discover
how far my voice would carry.
After twenty minutes or so he would return with the information, which
I have no reason to disbelieve, that he had not heard a single word
above the first landing.
Still I persevered, sustained by the thought that, when I was
delivering the oration of Brutus over Cæsar, or the famous passage
about the Queen of France and the "ten thousand swords leaping from
their scabbards," my words might perchance reach Miss Polkinghorne's
ear and excite in her a passing emotion.
But I came to the end of my tickets and still I was as far as ever
from my goal, while the exertion of shouting had rendered me painfully
husky.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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