Produced by Afra Ullah, Josephine Paolucci, Joshua Hutchinson and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. [Transcriber's note: Footnotes moved to end of story] [Illustration: They look him over as if he were a fresh air child being given a day's outing.] LOVE CONQUERS ALL BY ROBERT C. BENCHLEY ILLUSTRATED BY GLUYAS WILLIAMS 1922 Printed October, 1922 ACKNOWLEDGMENT The author thanks the editors of the following publications for their permission to print the articles in this book: _Life, The New York World, The New York Tribune, The Detroit Athletic Club News, and The Consolidated Press Association_. CONTENTS I THE BENCHLEY-WHITTIER CORRESPONDENCE II FAMILY LIFE IN AMERICA Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 III THIS CHILD KNOWS THE ANSWER--_DO YOU_? IV RULES AND SUGGESTIONS FOE WATCHING AUCTION BRIDGE V A CHRISTMAS SPECTACLE VI HOW TO WATCH A CHESS MATCH VII WATCHING BASEBALL VIII HOW TO BE A SPECTATOR AT SPRING PLANTING IX THE MANHATTADOR X WHAT TO DO WHILE THE FAMILY IS AWAY XI "ROLL YOUR OWN" XII DO INSECTS THINK? XIII THE SCORE IN THE STANDS XIV MID-WINTER SPORTS XV READING THE FUNNIES ALOUD XVI OPERA SYNOPSES I Die Meister-Genossenschaft. II Il Minnestrone III Lucy de Lima XVII THE YOUNG IDEA'S SHOOTING GALLERY XVIII POLYP WITH A PAST XIX HOLT! WHO GOES THERE? XX THE COMMITTEE ON THE WHOLE XXI NOTING AN INCREASE IN BIGAMY XXII THE REAL WIGLAF: MAN AND MONARCH XXIII FACING THE BOYS' CAMP PROBLEM XXIV ALL ABOUT THE SILESIAN PROBLEM XXV HAPPY THE HOME WHERE BOOKS ARE FOUND XXVI WHEN NOT IN ROME, WHY DO AS THE ROMANS DID? XXVII THE TOOTH, THE WHOLE TOOTH, AND NOTHING BUT THE TOOTH XXVIII MALIGNANT MIRRORS XXIX THE POWER OF THE PRESS XXX HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS XXXI HOW TO UNDERSTAND INTERNATIONAL FINANCE XXXII 'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE SUMMER XXXIII WELCOME HOME--AND SHUT UP XXXIV ANIMAL STORIES I Georgie Dog II Lillian Mosquito XXXV THE TARIFF UNMASKED LITERARY DEPARTMENT XXXVI "TAKE ALONG A BOOK" XXXVII CONFESSIONS OF A CHESS CHAMPION XXXVIII "RIP VAN WINKLE" XXXIX LITERARY LOST AND FOUND DEPT. XL "DARKWATER" XLI THE NEW TIME-TABLE XLII MR. BOK'S AMERICANIZATION XLIII ZANE GREY'S MOVIE XLIV SUPPRESSING "JURGEN" XLV ANTI-IBANEZ XLVI ON BRICKLAYING XLVII "AMERICAN ANNIVERSARIES" XLVIII A WEEK-END WITH WELLS XLIX ABOUT PORTLAND CEMENT L OPEN BOOKCASES LI TROUT-FISHING LII "SCOUTING FOR GIRLS" LIII HOW TO SELL GOODS LIV "You!" LV THE CATALOGUE SCHOOL LVI "EFFECTIVE HOUSE ORGANS" LVII ADVICE TO WRITERS LVIII "THE EFFECTIVE SPEAKING VOICE" LIX THOSE DANGEROUSLY DYNAMIC BRITISH GIRLS LX BOOKS AND OTHER THINGS LXI "MEASURE YOUR MIND" LXII THE BROW-ELEVATION IN HUMOR LXIII BUSINESS LETTERS ILLUSTRATIONS They look him over as if he were a fresh air child being given a day's outing. The watcher walks around the table, giving each hand a careful scrutiny. "'Round and 'round the tree I go" "Atta boy, forty-nine: Only one more to go!"