TATT. The least in the world—that is for my part: I speak for myself.
Gad, I never had the least thought of serious kindness.—I never liked
anybody less in my life. Poor woman! Gad, I’m sorry for her too, for I
have no reason to hate her neither; but I believe I shall lead her a
damned sort of a life.
MRS. FORE. He’s better than no husband at all—though he’s a coxcomb.
[_To_ FRAIL.]
MRS. FRAIL [_to her_]. Ay, ay, it’s well it’s no worse.—Nay, for my part
I always despised Mr. Tattle of all things; nothing but his being my
husband could have made me like him less.
TATT. Look you there, I thought as much. Pox on’t, I wish we could keep
it secret; why, I don’t believe any of this company would speak of it.
MRS. FRAIL. But, my dear, that’s impossible: the parson and that rogue
Jeremy will publish it.
TATT. Ay, my dear, so they will, as you say.
ANG. Oh, you’ll agree very well in a little time; custom will make it
easy to you.
TATT. Easy! Pox on’t, I don’t believe I shall sleep to-night.
SIR SAMP. Sleep, quotha! No; why, you would not sleep o’ your
wedding-night? I’m an older fellow than you, and don’t mean to sleep.
BEN. Why, there’s another match now, as thof a couple of privateers were
looking for a prize and should fall foul of one another. I’m sorry for
the young man with all my heart. Look you, friend, if I may advise you,
when she’s going—for that you must expect, I have experience of her—when
she’s going, let her go. For no matrimony is tough enough to hold her;
and if she can’t drag her anchor along with her, she’ll break her cable,
I can tell you that. Who’s here? The madman?
SCENE _the Last_.
VALENTINE, SCANDAL, SIR SAMPSON, ANGELICA, FORESIGHT, MRS. FORESIGHT,
TATTLE, MRS. FRAIL, BEN, JEREMY, BUCKRAM.
VAL. No; here’s the fool, and if occasion be, I’ll give it under my
hand.
SIR SAMP. How now?
VAL. Sir, I’m come to acknowledge my errors, and ask your pardon.
SIR SAMP. What, have you found your senses at last then? In good time,
sir.
VAL. You were abused, sir: I never was distracted.
FORE. How! Not mad! Mr. Scandal—
SCAN. No, really, sir. I’m his witness; it was all counterfeit.
VAL. I thought I had reasons—but it was a poor contrivance, the effect
has shown it such.
SIR SAMP. Contrivance! What, to cheat me? to cheat your father?
Sirrah, could you hope to prosper?
VAL. Indeed, I thought, sir, when the father endeavoured to undo the
son, it was a reasonable return of nature.
SIR SAMP. Very good, sir. Mr. Buckram, are you ready? Come, sir, will
you sign and seal?
VAL. If you please, sir; but first I would ask this lady one question.
SIR SAMP. Sir, you must ask me leave first. That lady? No, sir, you
shall ask that lady no questions till you have asked her blessing, sir:
that lady is to be my wife.
VAL. I have heard as much, sir; but I would have it from her own mouth.
SIR SAMP. That’s as much as to say I lie, sir, and you don’t believe
what I say.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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