Even stranger it was to see the child; to be able to look at him all
he pleased, and to speak to him, and to hold him in his arms! He was as
beautiful as Thyrsis could have wished, and the father had no trouble
at all in being interested in him; his smiles were things to make the
angels jealous. Thyrsis would push his carriage out into the park, and
they would sit upon a bench and gaze at him--each making sure that the
other had missed none of his fine points.
He was beginning to make sounds now, and had achieved the word
“puss-ée”. This originally had signified the woolly kitten he carried
with him, but now by a metonymy it had come to include all kinds of
living things; and great was the delight of the parents when a big red
automobile flashed past, and the baby pointed his finger, exclaiming
gleefully, “Puss-ée!” It is an astonishing thing, how little it takes
to make parents happy; regarded, purely as an abstract proposition, it
would be difficult to explain why two people who possessed between them
a total of sixty-four teeth, more or less, should have been so much
excited by the discovery that the baby had four.
But parenthood, as Thyrsis found, meant more than charming baby-prattle
and the counting of teeth. Little Cedric’s tiny fingers were twisted
in his heart-strings--he loved him with a love the intensity of which
frightened him when he realized it. And sometimes things went wrong, and
then with a pang as from the stab of a knife would come the thought that
he might some day lose this child. So much pain and toil a child cost,
so much it took of one’s strength and power; and then, such a fragile
thing it was--exposed to so many perils and uncertainties, to the
ravages of so many diseases, that struck like a cruel enemy in the
dark! Corydon and Thyrsis were so ignorant--they were like children
themselves; and where should they turn for knowledge? There were
doctors, of course; but this took so much money--and even with all the
doctors, see how many babies died!
Thyrsis was learning the bitter truth of Bacon’s saying about “giving
hostages to fortune.” And dearly as he loved the child, the artist in
him cried out against these ties. Where now was that care-free outlook,
that recklessness, that joy in life as a spectacle, which made up so
much of the artist’s attitude? When one had a wife and child one no
longer enjoyed tragedies--one lived, them; and one got from them, not
_katharsis_, but exhaustion. One became timid and cautious and didactic,
and other inartistic things. One learned that life was real, life was
earnest, and the grave was not its goal!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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