'It is your own fault,' he returned, looking at her; 'you should have
passed on and left me to my misery. Yes, I am miserable; and you have
made me so: and yet for all that you are not to be blamed. How could I
see you, how could I be with you, and not love you? I have loved you
from the very first hour I saw you.'
'Oh, hush, hush!' Audrey was half sobbing. There were great tears
rolling down her face; she could hardly bear to hear him or to look at
him, his face was so white and strained.
'I must always love you,' he went on in the same low concentrated voice.
'I have never seen anyone like you; there is not another girl in the
world who would do as you are doing. How can I help losing my heart to
you? No man could, in my position.'
'I am very sorry,' she murmured.
'Do not be sorry'--and then he saw her tears, and his voice softened
from its vehemence and became very gentle. 'You are so kind that I know
you would spare me this pain if you could--but it is not in your power;
neither is it in mine. Do not be afraid of me,' he went on quickly, as
she would have spoken. 'Remember I am asking you for nothing. I expect
nothing. What right have I to aspire to such as you? Even if I have
dared to dream, my dreams are at an end now, when you have shown me so
plainly----' He stopped and turned aside his face, but no words could
have been so eloquent as that silence.
'Mr. Blake, will you let me say something? I am grieved, grieved to the
heart, that this should have happened. If I could have prevented it, not
a word of all this should have been spoken; but it is too late to say so
now.'
'Far, far too late!'
'So we must make the best of it. I must try to forget all that has
passed, and, Mr. Blake, you must promise me to do the same.'
'I have promised,' he returned proudly. 'I promised you of my own accord
that I would never talk to you in this way again; but you must not ask
anything more of me.'
'May I not?' in rather a faltering voice.
'It would be useless,' he replied quickly. 'I can never leave off loving
you. I would part with my life first. I think I am not one of those men
who could ever love twice. I am young, still something tells me this;
but all the same you have nothing to fear from me. I know your position
and mine.'
'You must not speak as though we were not equal,' she said, in her
desire to comfort him and raise him up from his despondency; 'it is not
that. What does one's poverty or wealth matter?'
'No, it is not that,' he answered, with a significance that made her
lower her eyes; 'in one sense we are equals, for one cannot be more or
less than a gentleman, and when one has youth and strength, and a
moderate amount of talents, one can always raise one's self to the level
of the woman one loves. And if I had thought that you could ever have
cared for me----' His voice trembled; he could not proceed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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