Once, when there had been a fresh outbreak of mischief, and they had
brought him down to Woodcote, that he might be more carefully nursed
than in the town lodgings which was all Michael Burnett called home,
Audrey, who, after her usual pitiful fashion, wore herself out in her
efforts to soothe and comfort the invalid, once read to him some
beautiful lines out of a poem entitled 'The Disciples.'
Michael, who was in one of his dark moods, made no comment on the
passage which she had read in a trembling voice of deep feeling; but
when she left the room on some errand, he stretched out his hand, and
read it over again:
'But if, impatient, thou let slip thy cross,
Thou wilt not find it in this world again,
Nor in another; here, and here alone,
Is given thee to suffer for God's sake.'
When Audrey returned the book was in its place, and Michael was lying
with his eyes closed, and the frown of pain still knitting his temples.
He was not asleep, but she dare not disturb him by offering to go on
with the poem. She sat down at a little distance and looked out of the
window, rather sorrowfully. How strong she was! how full of health and
enjoyment! and this poor Michael, who had acted so nobly----Audrey's
eyes were full of tears. And all the time Michael was saying to himself,
'After all, I am a coward. What if I must suffer? Life will not last for
ever.'
By and by Michael owned that even his hard lot had compensations. He
became used to his semi-invalid existence. Active work of any sort was
impossible--that is, continuous work. He had tried it when his friends
had found an easy post for him, and had been obliged to give it up. He
still suffered severely from neuralgic headaches that left him worn and
exhausted. His maimed leg often troubled him; he could not walk far, and
riding was impossible.
'You must make up your mind to be an idle man--at least, for the
present, Captain Burnett,' one of his doctors had said to him, and
Michael had languidly acquiesced. To be a soldier had been his one
ambition, and he cared for little else. He had enough to keep him in
moderate comfort as a bachelor, and he had faint expectations from an
uncle who lived in Calcutta; but when questioned on this point, Michael
owned he was not sanguine.
'My Uncle Selkirk is by no means an old man,' he would say. 'Any
insurance office would consider his the better life of the two. Besides,
he might marry--he is not sixty yet; even old men make fools of
themselves by taking young wives. It is ill waiting for dead men's shoes
at the best of times. In this case it would be rank stupidity.'
'Then you will never be able to marry, Michael;' for it was to Mrs. Ross
that this last speech was addressed.
'My dear cousin, do you think any girl would look at a sickly,
ill-tempered fellow like me?' was the somewhat bitter reply; and Mrs.
Ross's kind heart was troubled at the tone.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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