Our drama now ended, I’ll take up your time Just a moment or two in defence of my _rhime_— * “Tho’ I hope that among you are _some_ who _admir’d_ “What I’ve hitherto said, dare I hope none are tir’d? “But whether ye have, or have not heard enough, “Or whether nice critics will think it all stuff; “To myself _rhime_ has ever appear’d, I must own, “In its nature a sort of _philosopher’s stone_; “And if Chymists wou’d use it, they’d not make a pother, “And puzzle their brains to find out any other.” Indeed ’tis most strange and surprising to me That all folks in _rhiming_ their int’rest can’t see; For I’m sure if its use were quite common with men, The world would roll on just as pleasant again. “’Tis said, that while ORPHEUS was striking his lyre, “Trees and brutes danc’d along to the sound of the wire; “That AMPHION to walls soon converted the glebes, “And they rose, as he sung, to a city call’d Thebes; “I suppose _they_ were _Butlers_ (like me) of that time, “And the tale shows our sires knew the wonders of _rhime_.” From time immemorial, your lovers, we find, When their mistresses’ hearts have been proud and unkind, Have resorted to _rhime_; and indeed it appears That a _rhime_ would do more than a bucket of tears. Of love, from experience, I speak—odds my life! I shall never forget how I courted my wife: She had offers in plenty; but always stood neuter, Till I, with my pen, started forth as a suitor; Yet I made no mean present of _ribband_ or _bonnet_, _My_ present was caught from the stars—’twas a _sonnet_. “And now you know this, sure ’tis needless to say, “That prose was neglected, and _rhime_ won the day— “But its potent effects you as well may discover “In the _husband_ and _wife_, as in _mistress_ and _lover_; “There are some of ye here, who, like me, I conjecture. “Have been lull’d into sleep by a good _curtain lecture_. “But that’s a mere trifle; you’ll ne’er come to blows, “If you’ll only avoid that dull enemy, _prose_. “Adopt, then, my plan, and the very next time, “That in words you fall out, let them fall into _rhime_; “Thus your sharpest disputes will conclude very soon, “And from jangling to jingling you’ll chime into _tune_. “If my wife were to call me a _drunken old sot_, “I shou’d merely just ask her, what Butler is not? “And bid her take care that she don’t go to pot. “So our squabbles continue a very short season, “If she yields to my _rhime_—I allow she has reason.” Independent of this I conceive _rhime_ has weight In the higher employments of church and of state, And would in my mind such advantages draw, ’Tis a pity that _rhime_ is not sanctioned by law; “For ’twould _really_ be serving us all, to impose “A capital fine on a man who spoke prose.” Mark the pleader who clacks, in his client’s behalf, His technical stuff for three hours and a half; Or the fellow who tells you a long stupid story, And over and over the same lays before ye; Or the member who raves till the whole house are dosing