Humorous stories; London (England) -- Fiction; Lucia (Fictitious character) -- Fiction; Women -- England -- Fiction
Georgie took a half-sheet of paper from the drawer in a writing-table
where he kept half-sheets and pieces of string untied from parcels, and
began to calculate. There was necessarily a good deal of guesswork about
it, and the pearls had to be omitted altogether, since nobody could say
what “pearls” were worth without knowing their quantity or quality. But
even omitting these, and putting quite a low figure on the possible rent
of the house near Harrod’s, he was astounded at the capital which these
annual outgoings appeared to represent.
“I don’t put it at a penny less than fifty thousand pounds,” he said to
himself, “and the income at two thousand six hundred.”
He had got a little chilly as he sat at his figures, and with a
luxurious foretaste of a beautiful hot bath, he hurried into his
bathroom. The whole of the boiling water had run out.
“How tarsome! Damn!” said Georgie, putting in the plug and turning on
both taps simultaneously.
His calculations, of course, had only been the materials on which his
imagination built, and as he dressed it was hard at work, between
glances at his trousers as reflected in the full-length mirror which
stood in his window. What would Lucia and Pepino do with this vast
increase of fortune? Lucia already had the biggest house in Riseholme
and the most Elizabethan decor, and a motor, and as many new clothes as
she chose. She did not spend much on them because her lofty mind
despised clothes, but Georgie permitted himself to indulge cynical
reflections that the pearls might make her dressier. Then she already
entertained as much as she felt disposed; and more money would not make
her wish to give more dinners. And she went up to London whenever there
was anything in the way of pictures or plays or music which she felt
held the seed of culture. Society (so-called) she despised as thoroughly
as she despised clothes, and always said she came back to Riseholme
feeling intellectually starved. Perhaps she would endow a permanent fund
for holding May-day revels on the village green, for Lucia had said she
meant to have May-day revels every year. They had been a great success
last year, though fatiguing, for everybody dressed up in
sixteenth-century costume, and danced Morris dances till they all
hobbled home dead lame at the merciful sunset. It had all been
wonderfully Elizabethan, and Georgie’s jerkin had hurt him very much.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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