Should you sigh for the heights where the eminent lights, in the region of letters who shine, are; Should your novels and tales have indifferent sales and your verses be hopelessly minor, Should the public refuse your attempts to peruse when you try to instruct or to shock it, While it adds to the spoils of its Barries and Doyles, and increases the hoards of a Crockett: If you're baffled, in short, by the fame that you court, and your name's overlooked by the papers,-- There's a road to success without toil or distress, or nocturnal consumption of tapers: By adopting this plan you're a prominent man, and no longer a painful aspirant: You must come on the scene as a bold Philhellene, and a foe to the Turk and the Tyrant! You'll orate to the crowd on the heritage proud which by Greece is bequeathed to the nations (You can gain in a week an acquaintance with Greek by a liberal use of translations), And the names that you quote with the aid of your "Grote" and a noble assumption of choler, Will attest that you feel that excusable zeal which belongs to an eminent scholar. You will prate before mobs of Lord Salisbury's jobs and the villainous schemes of the Kaiser, Which will make them believe you've a plan up your sleeve if they'd only take you for adviser; You may cheerfully speak of assisting the Greek 'gainst the foes that his country environ: 'Tis improbable quite you'll be wanted to fight, and the phrase will remind them of Byron. If you can't get a place in Society's race, and you have to confess that you're beaten, Yet I hope I have shown you may make yourself known by espousing the cause of the Cretan: You will sell all your works by denouncing the Turks, and the public will hasten to read 'em, When in reverent tones you are mentioned as "Jones, the Defender and Champion of Freedom!" L'AFFAIRE (CHAPTER ONE) It was a little Bordereau that lay upon the ground: The Franco-Gallic Government that document it found, And straightway drew the inference, though how I do not know, Some Jew had sold to Germany this dreadful Bordereau. 'Tis all (they said) a Hebrew trick---a treasonable plan-- And, now we come to think of it, why Dreyfus is the man! At any rate (they argued thus), it is for him to show That he is not the criminal who sold the Bordereau. Some hinted at another man, whose autograph it bore-- But this was Dreyfus' artifice, and proved his guilt the more: No motive for the horrid deed confessedly he had: And crimes which are gratuitous are nearly twice as bad. They caught that Jew (did Government) and charged him with the sale; They proved his guilt--or said they did--and shut him up in gaol; And then, their case to justify and show their verdict true, They took and baited every one who called himself a Jew.