I've a scheme, which is this:--I will start for the West as a Limited Lecturing Co., And the public invite in the same to invest to the tune of a million or so: They will all be recouped for initial expense by receiving their share of the "gates," Which I venture to think will be truly immense when I lecture on Prose in the States. Thus Merit will not be permitted to rot--as it does--on Obscurity's shelf: Thus the national hoard shall with profit be stored (with a trifle of course for myself): For lectures are dear in that fortunate sphere, and are paid for at fabulous rates,-- All the gold of Klondike isn't anything like to the sums that are made in the States! [1. Transcriber's note: In the original book, the two characters preceding the exclamation mark are the Greek "Alpha" and "nu". They appear to be preceded by the Greek rough-breathing diacritical, making the three characters together rhyme with "Maine", two lines earlier.] A DIALOGUE ON ETHICS Said the Isis to the Cherwell in a tone of indignation, "With a blush of conscious virtue your enormities I see: And I wish that a reversal of the laws of gravitation Would prevent your vicious current from contaminating me! With your hedonists who grovel on a cushion with a novel (Which is sure to sap the morals and the intellect to stunt), And the spectacle nefarious of your idle, gay Lotharios Who pursue a mild flirtation in a misdirected punt!" Said the Cherwell to the Isis, "You may talk about my vices-- But of all the sights of sorrow since the universe began, Just commend me to the patience that can bear the degradations Which inflicted are by Rowing on the dignity of man: The unspeakable reproaches which are lavished by your coaches-- On my sense of what is proper they continually jar"-- ("It is simply _Mos Majorum_--'twas their fathers' way before 'em-- 'Tis a kind of ancient Cussed 'em"--said the Isis to the Cher.) "Are we men and are we Britons? shall we ne'er obtain a quittance"-- Said the Cherwell to the Isis--"from the tyrants of the oar? O it's Youth in a Canader with the willow boughs to shade her And a chaperone discreetly in attendance (on the shore), O it's cultivated leisure that is life's supremest treasure, Far from athletes merely brutal, and from Philistines afar: I've a natural aversion to gratuitous exertion, And I'm prone to mild flirtation," said the unrepentant Cher.