Whene'er of old a boy was dull or quite adverse to knowledge, he Was set an imposition or corrected with a switch: Far different our practice is, who reign by Methodology And guide the dunce by precepts learnt from Landon or from Fitch: 'Twas difficult by rule of thumb to check unseemly merriment, To make your class their pastor treat with proper due regard-- 'Tis easy quite for specialists in Juvenile Temperament, Who know the books on Punishment and also on Reward! There's no demand for authors now of erudite _opuscula_, For Wranglers or for Science men or linguists of repute: No cricketers can gain a post by mere distinction muscular, No Socker Blues can hope to teach the young idea to Shoot: Read Lange his Psychology--Didactics of Comenius-- By works like these and only these your prudent mind prepare: For if you've nought but scholarship or independent genius You'd better far adopt the Bar and make your fortune there! O all ye ancient dominies whose names are writ in history-- Shade of the late Orbilius, and ghost of Dr Parr, Howe'er you got your fame of old--the reason's wrapt in mystery-- Where'er you be, I hope you see how obsolete you are! 'Tis Handbooks make the Pedagogue: O great, eternal verity! O fact of which our ancestors could ne'er obtain a glimpse! But we'll proclaim the truth abroad and noise it to posterity, Our watchword a curriculum--our shibboleth DE GUIMPS! SONG FOR THE NAVY LEAGUE (Dedicated without permission to LORD CHARLES BERESFORD.) O where be all those mariners bold who used to control the sea, The Admiral great and the bo'sun's mate and the skipper who skipped so free? O what has become of our midshipmites, the terror of every foe, And the captain brave who dares the wave when the stormy winds do blow? CHORUS _For the tar may roam, but the tar comes home to wherever his home may be, With a Yo, heave ho, and a _o e to_, [1] and a Master of Arts Degree_! They have gone to imbibe the classical lore of Learning's ancient seat (They are sadly at sea in the classics as yet, though _classis_ is Latin for fleet), It is there you will find those naval men, by the Isis and eke the Cher., For Scholarship is the only ship that is fit for a bold Jack Tar. He has bartered his rum for a coach and a crib, at the First Lord's stern decree, And he learns the use of the rocket and squib (which are useful as lights at sea): And they train him in part of the nautical art, as much as a landsman can, For they teach him to paddle the gay canoe, and to row the rash randan.