Mars (Planet) -- Fiction; Science fiction; Short stories; Trials -- Fiction
Lieutenant Kim glanced at Captain Barnaby, then spoke. "Yes, sir. I'd
like to know how long we're going to let the Marties push us around
this way. Thirteen Martian priests are on our payroll, just because
they demand it. We've got to stay five kilometers away from their
cities, or pay a five-hundred credit fine. We can't spit without
special permission from the Grand Council of Mars. We don't think like
they do; why should we submit to being judged by their million-year-old
laws? In all respect, sir, why does our Service act so weak?"
The Commander made a pyramid of thumbs and forefingers, and considered
it. "Lieutenant Kim, I've been asking myself that question for the last
ten years. We've had to pay tribute to gain the Marties' permission to
stay on their god-forsaken planet. That tribute represents half the
operating expense of the Martian Department of the Service, credits
that should be spent on new ships and more men. We've behaved like a
bunch of patsies ever since von Munger and Ley landed on Mars.
"Still, we're all soldiers, and we must follow regulations. We mustn't
disturb the indigenous population on Mars; that's Regulation 'A-1.'
If our policies grow distasteful to the Marties, they may call in the
Europeans to take our place. We wouldn't like that. It's bad form to
admit it, gentlemen, but I'm ashamed to give you this order. You're
to jet off for Mars tomorrow morning; and on arrival at Klamugra,
to deliver yourselves over to the Martian Judging Authority." The
Commander rapped his gavel and stood; the two officers before the Board
snapped to attention. "Board of Inquiry dismissed."
* * * * *
Fully aware that tomorrow's jetoff would multiply by eight the
hangovers they were breeding, Captain Barnaby and Lieutenant Kim sat
that evening in the Denver Dive, alternating drinks of European vodka
with rounds of California moon-dew. As Kim said: "Drink as much as you
like, Barnaby; we're not driving in the morning."
"Tell me," Barnaby demanded of his co-pilot, "what you're thinking of,
you Martie-roasting fiend of a Korean."
"I was considering the memory of the 'shlunk!' that Martian murderer's
skull made when it finally gave in, that day at Klamugra. Do you
remember, hard-headed Yankee?" Kim's eyes followed the blonde ecdysiast
across the stage more from habit than present interest.
"Why did you have to remember that? 'Shlunk!'--ugh!"
"We're going to have to squirm out of this, Barnaby-_sunsang_," Kim
said. "We'll have to beat that rap at Klamugra. It's not that I wish to
avoid putting my head in a vise; it's only that it hurts me to see the
Extraterrestrial Service made a monkey of this way. In a way it will
even be a shame if we get off. Think of all the Marties who will miss
the opportunity to see your punkin head smashed."
"You orientals have noble souls, Kim."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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