Mad Shepherds, and Other Human Studies — John Shaqi
Mad Shepherds, and Other Human StudiesJacks, L. P. (Lawrence Pearsall)
General
Mad Shepherds, and Other Human Studies
Jacks, L. P. (Lawrence Pearsall)
Manners and customs -- Fiction
One of the breeding points in Snarley's system was connected with the
length of the lambs' ears. Short ears in the new-born lamb were
prophetic of desirable points which would duly appear when the creature
became a sheep; long ears, on the other hand, indicated that the cross
had failed. A crucial experiment on these lines was being conducted by
aid of a ram which had been specially imported from Spain, and the whole
thing had been left to Toller's supervision. The result was a complete
failure. On the critical day, when Snarley returned from his obstetric
duties, his wife saw gloom and disappointment on his countenance. "Well,
have them lambs come right?" "Lambs, did you say? They're not _lambs_.
They're young _jackasses_. It's summat as Shepherd Toller's been up to.
You'll never make me believe as the Spanish ram got any one on 'em--no,
not if you was to take your dyin' oath. Blessed if I know where he found
a father for 'em. It's not one o' our rams, I'll swear. You mark my
word, missis, Shepherd Toller's goin' out of his mind again. I've seen
it comin' on for months. Only last Tuesday he sez to me, 'Snarley, I'm
gettin' cloudy on the top.'"
Shortly after this Toller disappeared and, though the search was
diligent, he could not be found. "He's not gone far," said Snarley.
"Leastways he's sure to come back. Mad-men allus comes back." And within
a few months an incident happened which enabled Snarley to verify his
theory. It came about in this wise.
A party of great folk from the Hall had gone up into the hills for a
picnic. They had chosen their camp near the head of a long upland
valley, where the ground fell suddenly into a deep gorge pierced by a
torrent. A fire of sticks had been lit close to the edge of the
precipice, and a kettle, made of some shining metal, had been hung over
the flames. The party were standing by, waiting for the water to boil,
when suddenly, crash!--a sprinkle of scalding water in your
face--and--where's the kettle? An invisible force, falling like a bolt
from the blue, had smitten the kettle and hurled it into space. The
ladies screamed; the Captain swore; the Clergyman cried, "Good
Gracious!" the Undergraduate said, "Jerusalem!" the Wit added, "_And_
Madagascar!" But what was said matters not, for the Recording Angel had
dropped his pen. The whole party stood amazed, unable to place the
occurrence in any sort of intelligible context, and with looks that
seemed to say, "The reign of Chaos has returned, and the Inexpressible
become a fact!" Some went to the edge of the gorge and saw below a mass
of buckled tin, irrecoverable, and worthless. Some looked about on the
hillside, but looked on nothing to the point. Some stood by the spot
where the kettle had hung, and argued without premises. Some searched
for the missile, some for the man; but neither was found. The whole
thing was an absolute mystery. The party had lost their tea, and gained
a subject for conversation at dinner. That was all.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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