Rosalind stole out into the hall with a beating heart. Her father’s
sharp voice still echoed in her ears, and she had an angry and ashamed
consciousness that the footman who had hurried from the room before her,
and perhaps other servants, excited by the crisis, were watching her and
commenting upon the indecision with which she stood, not knowing what to
do. “Go and tell her.” How easy it was to say so! Oh, if she but knew
where to go, how to find her, how to save her not only from domestic
strife but from the gnawing worm of suspicion and doubt which Rosalind
felt in her own heart! What was she to do? Should she go up-stairs again
and look through all the rooms, though she knew it would be in vain? To
disarm her father’s rage, to smooth over this moment of misery and put
things back on their old footing, the girl would have done anything;
but as the moments passed she became more and more aware that this was
not nearly all that was wanted, that even she herself, loving Mrs.
Trevanion with all her heart, required more. Her judgment cried out for
more. She wanted explanation; a reason for these strange disappearances.
Why should she choose that time of all others when her absence must be
so much remarked; and where, oh, where did she go? Rosalind stood with a
sort of stupefied sense of incapacity in the hall. She would not go
back. She could not pretend to make a search which she knew to be
useless. She could not rush to the door again and watch there, with the
risk of being followed and found at that post, and thus betray her
suspicion that her mother was out of the house. She went and stood by
one of the pillars and leaned against it, clasping her hands upon her
heart and trying to calm herself and to find some expedient. Could she
say that little Jack was ill, that something had happened? in the
confusion of her mind she almost lost the boundary between falsehood and
truth; but then the doctor would be sent to see what was the matter, and
everything would be worse instead of better. She stood thus against the
pillar and did not move, trying to think, in a whirl of painful
imaginations and self-questionings, feeling every moment an hour. Oh, if
she could but take it upon herself, and bear the weight, whatever it
might be; but she was helpless and could do nothing save wait there,
hidden, trembling, full of misery, till something should happen to set
her free.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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