Madam went swiftly, softly along, with that power of putting aside the
overwhelming consciousness of wretchedness which is possessed by those
whose appointed measure of misery is the largest in this world. To die
then would have been best, but not to be helpless and encounter the pity
of those who could give no aid. She had the power not to think, to
address herself to what was before her, and hold back “upon the
threshold of the mind” the supreme anguish of which she could never be
free, which there would be time enough, alas! and to spare, to indulge
in. Perhaps, though she knew so much and was so experienced in pain, it
did not occur to her at this terrible crisis of life to think it
possible that any further pang might be awaiting her. The other, who
waited for her within shade of the copse, drew back when he perceived
that two people were coming towards him. He scarcely responded even when
Mrs. Trevanion called him in a low voice by name. “Whom have you got
with you?” he said, almost in a whisper, holding himself concealed among
the trees.
“Only Jane.”
“Only Jane,” he said, in a tone of relief, but still with a roughness
and sullenness out of keeping with his youthful voice. He added, after a
moment, “What does Jane want? I hope there is not going to be any
sentimental leave-taking. I want to stay and not to go.”
“That is impossible now. Everything is altered. I am going with you,
Edmund.”
“Going with me--good Lord!” There was a moment’s silence; then he
resumed in a tone of satire, “What may that be for? Going with _me_! Do
you think I can’t take care of myself? Do you think I want a nurse at my
heels?” Then another pause. “I know what you mean. You are going away
for a change, and you mean me to turn up easily and be introduced to the
family? Not a bad idea at all,” he added, in a patronizing tone.
“Edmund,” she said, “afterwards, when we have time, I will tell you
everything. There is no time now; but that has come about which I
thought impossible. I am--free to make up to you as much as I can, for
the past--”
“Free,” he repeated, with astonishment, “to make up to me?” The pause
that followed seemed one of consternation. Then he went on roughly, “I
don’t know what you mean by making up to me. I have often heard that
women couldn’t reason. You don’t mean that you are flinging over the
others now, to make a romance--and balance matters? I don’t know what
you mean.”
Madam Trevanion grasped Jane’s arm and leaned upon it with what seemed a
sudden collapse of strength, but this was invisible to the other, who
probably was unaware of any effect produced by what he said. Her voice
came afterwards through the dark with a thrill in it that seemed to move
the air, something more penetrating than the wind.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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