“I have no time to explain,” she said. “I must husband my strength,
which has been much tried. I am going with you to London to-night. We
have a long walk before we reach the train. On the way, or afterwards,
as my strength serves me, I will tell you--all that has happened. What I
am doing,” she added, faintly, “is by no will of mine.”
“To London to-night?” he repeated, with astonishment. “I am not going to
London to-night.”
“Yes, Edmund, with me. I want you.”
“I have wanted,” he said, “you--or, at least, I have wanted my proper
place and the people I belonged to, all my life. If you think that now,
when I am a man, I am to be burdened with two women always at my
heels-- Why can’t you stay and make everything comfortable here? I want
my rights, but I don’t want you--more than is reasonable,” he added
after a moment, slightly struck by his own ungraciousness. “As for
walking to the train, and going to London to-night--you, a fine lady,
that have always driven about in your carriage!” He gave a hoarse little
laugh at the ridiculous suggestion.
Mrs. Trevanion again clutched Jane’s arm. It was the only outlet for her
excitement. She said very low, “I should not have expected better--oh,
no; how could he know better, after all! But I must go, there is no
choice. Edmund, if anything I can do now can blot out the past--no, not
that--but make up for it. You too, you have been very tyrannical to me
these months past. Hush! let me speak, it is quite true. If you could
have had patience, all might have been so different. Let us not upbraid
each other--but if you will let me, all that I can do for you now--all
that is possible--”
There was another pause. Jane, standing behind, supported her mistress
in her outstretched arms, but this was not apparent, nor any other sign
of weakness, except that her voice quivered upon the dark air which was
still in the shadow of the copse.
“I have told you,” he said, “again and again, what would please me. We
can’t be much devoted to each other, can we, after all! We can’t be a
model of what’s affectionate. That was all very well when I was a child,
when I thought a present was just as good, or better. But now I know
what is what, and that something more is wanted. Why can’t you stay
still where you are and send for me? You can say I’m a relation. I don’t
want you to sacrifice yourself--what good will that do me? I want to get
the advantage of my relations, to know them all, and have my chance.
There’s one thing I’ve set my heart upon, and you could help me in that
if you liked. But to run away, good Lord! what good would that do? It’s
all for effect, I suppose, to make me think you are willing now to do a
deal for me. You can do a deal for me if you like, but it will be by
staying, not by running away.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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