“Why do you say no and yes,” she cried, with sudden vehemence, “as if
you had no opinion of your own?”
Then Jane faltered too. “Madam,” she said, “everything is to be hoped
from--time, as you say, and use--”
“You don’t think so,” her mistress replied, with a moan, and then all
settled into silence again.
It is not supposed that anything save vulgar speed and practical
convenience is to be got from the railway; and yet there is nothing that
affords a better refuge and shelter from the painful thoughts that
attend a great catastrophe in life, and those consultations which an
individual in deep trouble holds with himself, than a long, silent
journey at the desperate pace of an express train over the long, dark
sweeps of the scarcely visible country, with the wind of rapid progress
in one’s face. That complete separation from all disturbance, the din
that partially deadens in our ears the overwhelming commotion of brain
and heart, the protection which is afforded by the roar and sweep of hot
haste which holds us as in a sanctuary of darkness, peace, and solitude,
is a paradox of every-day life which few think of, yet which is grateful
to many. Mrs. Trevanion sank into it with a sensation which was almost
ease. She lay back in her corner, as a creature wounded to death lies
still after the anguish of medical care is ended, throbbing, indeed,
with inevitable pain, yet with all horror of expectation over, and
nothing further asked of the sufferer. If not the anguish, at least the
consciousness of anguish was deadened by the sense that here no one
could demand anything from her, any response, any look, any word. She
lay for a long time dumb even in thought, counting the throbs that went
through her, feeling the sting and smart of every wound, yet a little
eased by the absolute separation between her and everything that could
ask a question or suggest a thought. It is not necessary for us in such
terrible moments to think over our pangs. The sufferer lies piteously
contemplating the misery that holds him, almost glad to be left alone
with it. For the most terrible complications of human suffering there is
no better image still than that with which the ancients portrayed the
anguish of Prometheus on his rock. There he lies, bound and helpless,
bearing evermore the rending of the vulture’s beak, sometimes writhing
in his bonds, uttering hoarsely the moan of his appeal to earth and
heaven, crying out sometimes the horrible cry of an endurance past
enduring, anon lying silent, feeling the dew upon him, hearing soft
voices of pity, comforters that tell him of peace to come, sometimes
softening, sometimes only increasing his misery; but through all
unending, never intermitting, the pain--“pain, ever, forever” of that
torture from which there is no escape. In all its moments of impatience,
in all its succumbings, the calm of anguish which looks like
resignation, the struggle with the unbearable which looks like
resistance, the image is always true.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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