“I am my own judge, Rosalind. No, you would not blame me, not now at
least, when you are entirely under my influence. I think, however, that
had it not been this it would have been something else. Any trifling
matter would have been enough. Nothing that we could have done would
have staved it off much longer. That is my conviction. I have worked out
the question, oh, a hundred times within myself. Would it be better to
go away, and acknowledge that I could not-- I was doing as much harm as
good--”
Rosalind here seized upon Mrs. Trevanion’s arm, clasping it with her
hands, with a cry of “Go away! leave us, mother!” in absolute
astonishment and dismay.
“And so withdraw the irritation. But then with the irritation I should
have deprived him of a great deal of help. And there was always the
certainty that no other could do so much, and that any other would soon
become an irritation too. I have argued the whole thing out again and
again. And I think I am right, Rosalind. No one else could have been at
his disposal night and day like his wife. And if no one but his wife
could have annoyed him so much, the one must be taken with the other.”
“You frighten me, mamma; is it so very serious? And you have done
nothing--nothing?”
Here Mrs. Trevanion for the first time turned and looked into Rosalind’s
face.
“Yes,” she said. There was a faint smile upon her lips, so faint that it
deepened rather than lightened the gravity of her look. She shook her
head and looked tenderly at Rosalind with this smile. “Ah, my dear,” she
said, “you would willingly make the best of it; but I have done
something. Not, indeed, what he thinks, what perhaps other people think,
but something I ought not to have done.” A deep sigh followed, a long
breath drawn from the inmost recesses of her breast to relieve some pain
or pressure there. “Something,” she continued, “that I cannot help,
that, alas! I don’t want to do; although I think it is my duty, too.”
And then she was silent, sitting absorbed in her own thoughts by
Rosalind’s bed. The chilly winter morning had come in fully as she
talked till now the room was full of cold daylight, ungenial, unkindly,
with no pleasure in it. Rosalind in her eager youth, impatient of
trouble, and feeling that something must be done or said to make an end
of all misery, that it was not possible there could be no remedy, held
her mother’s hand between hers, and cried and kissed it and asked a
hundred questions. But Madam sat scarcely moving, her mind absorbed in a
labyrinth from which she saw no way of escape. There seemed no remedy
either for the ills that were apparent or those which nobody knew.
“You ought at least to be resting,” the girl said at last; “you ought to
get a little sleep. I will get up and go to his room and bring you word
if he stirs.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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