Americans -- France -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Married people -- Fiction
“What I shall regret in future days,” he answered after some hesitation,
“is that I should have sat here--sat here so much--and never have shown
what’s the matter with me. I’m fond of museums and monuments and of
improving my mind, and I’m particularly fond of my friend Webster. But I
can’t bring myself to leave Saint-Germain without asking you a question.
You must forgive me if it’s indiscreet and be assured that curiosity
was never more respectful. Are you really as unhappy as I imagine you to
be?”
She had evidently not expected his appeal, and, making her change
colour, it took her unprepared. “If I strike you as unhappy,” she none
the less simply said, “I’ve been a poorer friend to you than I wished to
be.”
“I, perhaps, have been a better friend of yours than you’ve supposed,”
he returned. “I’ve admired your reserve, your courage, your studied
gaiety. But I’ve felt the existence of something beneath them that was
more YOU--more you as I wished to know you--than they were; some trouble
in you that I’ve permitted myself to hate and resent.”
She listened all gravely, but without an air of offence, and he felt
that while he had been timorously calculating the last consequences of
friendship she had quietly enough accepted them. “You surprise me,” she
said slowly, and her flush still lingered. “But to refuse to answer
you would confirm some impression in you even now much too strong. Any
‘trouble’--if you mean any unhappiness--that one can sit comfortably
talking about is an unhappiness with distinct limitations. If I were
examined before a board of commissioners for testing the felicity of
mankind I’m sure I should be pronounced a very fortunate woman.” There
was something that deeply touched him in her tone, and this quality
pierced further as she continued. “But let me add, with all gratitude
for your sympathy, that it’s my own affair altogether. It needn’t
disturb you, my dear sir,” she wound up with a certain quaintness of
gaiety, “for I’ve often found myself in your company contented enough
and diverted enough.”
“Well, you’re a wonderful woman,” the young man declared, “and I admire
you as I’ve never admired any one. You’re wiser than anything I, for
one, can say to you; and what I ask of you is not to let me advise
or console you, but simply thank you for letting me know you.” He had
intended no such outburst as this, but his voice rang loud and he felt
an unfamiliar joy as he uttered it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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