HASTINGS. They are asking only for small subscriptions. Indeed, they prefer to collect a large number of half-crowns, to prove the popularity of their movement. But I should advise.... DUKE. Oh, give them three shillings, then. HASTINGS. If I might suggest.... DUKE. Hang it all! We gave the Anti-Vegetarians three shillings. It seems only fair. HASTINGS. If I might suggest anything, I think your Grace will be wise not to subscribe in this case. The Anti-Vegetarians have already used their funds to form gangs ostensibly to protect their own meetings. And if the Vegetarians use theirs to break up the meetings--well, it will look rather funny that we have paid roughs on both sides. It will be rather difficult to explain when it comes before the magistrate. DUKE. But I shall be the magistrate. [CONJURER _stares at him again._] That's the system, my dear Hastings, that's the advantage of the system. Not a logical system--no Rousseau in it--but see how well it works! I shall be the very best magistrate that could be on the Bench. The others would be biassed, you know. Old Sir Lawrence is a Vegetarian himself; and might be hard on the Anti-Vegetarian roughs. Colonel Crashaw would be sure to be hard on the Vegetarian roughs. But if I've paid both of 'em, of course I shan't be hard on either of 'em--and there you have it. Just perfect impartiality. HASTINGS. [_Restrainedly._] Shall I take the programmes, your Grace? DUKE. [_Heartily._] No, no; I won't forget 'em. [_Exit_ HASTINGS.] Well, Professor, what's the news in the conjuring world? CONJURER. I fear there is never any news in the conjuring world. DUKE. Don't you have a newspaper or something? Everybody has a newspaper now, you know. The--er--Daily Sword-Swallower or that sort of thing? CONJURER. No, I have been a journalist myself; but I think journalism and conjuring will always be incompatible. DUKE. Incompatible--Oh, but that's where I differ--that's where I take larger views! Larger laws, as old Buffle said. Nothing's _incompatible_, you know--except husband and wife and so on; you must talk to Morris about that. It's wonderful the way incompatibility has gone forward in the States. CONJURER. I only mean that the two trades rest on opposite principles. The whole point of being a conjurer is that you won't explain a thing that has happened. DUKE. Well, and the journalist? CONJURER. Well, the whole point of being a journalist is that you do explain a thing that hasn't happened. DUKE. But you'll want somewhere to discuss the new tricks. CONJURER. There are no new tricks. And if there were we shouldn't want 'em discussed. DUKE. I'm afraid you're not _really_ advanced. Are you interested in modern progress? CONJURER. Yes. We are interested in all tricks done by illusion. DUKE. Well, well, I must go and see how Morris is. Pleasure of seeing you later. [_Exit_ DUKE, _leaving the programmes._