G. K. And so am I. I’m quite in earnest, slave. Then, tax the air they breathe, the _airs_ they hear, And tax their wives, it’s right _they_ should be _dear_. Tax all pet oysters, sprats and whales they’re keeping. Tax ’em for eating, drinking, also sleeping. Tax them besides for laughing, singing, crying. And lay a heavy tax on folks for _dye_ing. Put taxes on the nation’s food and fuel, From turtle soup, to grits for babies’ gruel. Stay, here I have it! why, of course, you gabies You’d make a fortune by a tax on babies. GENERAL BOUNCE. (_hesitatingly_) Can’t we economise, that’s my suggestion, What’s Toby and what’s not Toby’s the question? G. K. Well, how’s the army? can we cut it down? Make sixpence go as far as half a crown? G. BOUNCE. One General, (_points to self_,) and one Captain of the forces. (_Points to CAPTAIN POUNCE._) An inefficient staff, sir, that of course is; Of cavalry we’ve none. G. K. The “Ryle Artileree?” G. B. Burst up. G. K. The Infantry? G. B. All here you see. (_Enter NOODLE, as full private, toy gun, bayonet fixed._) But he’s a big one. Pray don’t mention halving; I grieve to say it, but the army’s— NOODLE. (_Sepulchrally._) Starving! G. K. Here’s insurrection! mutiny! revolt! I’m not afraid, but p’raps I’d better bolt. (_ROOSTER, GENERAL and CAPTAIN run off, R._) G. K. Here officers, on your allegiance stay, Protect your monarch now, don’t run away! (_Runs off R._) NOODLE. (_C. leaning on gun._) I must confess. I think it’s rather hard. For sixteen weeks I’ve been here, mounting guard. I’ve eaten nothing but a rind of cheese, And that wont help a man to “stand at ease.” I never get to mess, but into _messes_, The General’s joint is when the l_o_in_e_ he dresses. That’s not the worst; it’s more than I can bear, To hear the little beggar cry “form square!” One into four, won’t go. He says it will. Nothing goes into _me_ I know, but _drill_. From morn till night he has me on my legs, He’ll wear them off “as sure as eggs are eggs.” He talks of “_wings_,” as if I were a bird. “By your left wheel!” he cries. The thing’s absurd. I’d like to know why should I _buy_ a _wheel_! If I had any cash I’d buy a meal. I’ll strike. Along the shore, I’ll take a stroll, Perhaps the waves will give a nice fresh roll. A witch foretold that here I’d meet my brother. Alas, I fear we should not know each other. I’ll put a board up, that will do to tell.