Children of the rich -- Drama; Crime -- Drama; Didactic drama; Fathers and daughters -- Drama; Salvation Army -- Drama
BARBARA. Yes; but I wish we could do without it. I am getting at
last to think more of the collection than of the people's souls.
And what are those hatfuls of pence and halfpence? We want
thousands! tens of thousands! hundreds of thousands! I want to
convert people, not to be always begging for the Army in a way
I'd die sooner than beg for myself.
UNDERSHAFT [in profound irony] Genuine unselfishness is capable
of anything, my dear.
BARBARA [unsuspectingly, as she turns away to take the money
from the drum and put it in a cash bag she carries] Yes, isn't
it? [Undershaft looks sardonically at Cusins].
CUSINS [aside to Undershaft] Mephistopheles! Machiavelli!
BARBARA [tears coming into her eyes as she ties the bag and
pockets it] How are we to feed them? I can't talk religion to a
man with bodily hunger in his eyes. [Almost breaking down] It's
frightful.
JENNY [running to her] Major, dear--
BARBARA [rebounding] No: don't comfort me. It will be all right.
We shall get the money.
UNDERSHAFT. How?
JENNY. By praying for it, of course. Mrs Baines says she prayed
for it last night; and she has never prayed for it in vain: never
once. [She goes to the gate and looks out into the street].
BARBARA [who has dried her eyes and regained her composure] By
the way, dad, Mrs Baines has come to march with us to our big
meeting this afternoon; and she is very anxious to meet you, for
some reason or other. Perhaps she'll convert you.
UNDERSHAFT. I shall be delighted, my dear.
JENNY [at the gate: excitedly] Major! Major! Here's that man back
again.
BARBARA. What man?
JENNY. The man that hit me. Oh, I hope he's coming back to join
us.
Bill Walker, with frost on his jacket, comes through the gate,
his hands deep in his pockets and his chin sunk between his
shoulders, like a cleaned-out gambler. He halts between Barbara
and the drum.
BARBARA. Hullo, Bill! Back already!
BILL [nagging at her] Bin talkin ever sense, av you?
BARBARA. Pretty nearly. Well, has Todger paid you out for poor
Jenny's jaw?
BILL. NO he ain't.
BARBARA. I thought your jacket looked a bit snowy.
BILL. So it is snowy. You want to know where the snow come from,
don't you?
BARBARA. Yes.
BILL. Well, it come from off the ground in Parkinses Corner in
Kennintahn. It got rubbed off be my shoulders see?
BARBARA. Pity you didn't rub some off with your knees, Bill! That
would have done you a lot of good.
BILL [with your mirthless humor] I was saving another man's knees
at the time. E was kneelin on my ed, so e was.
JENNY. Who was kneeling on your head?
BILL. Todger was. E was prayin for me: prayin comfortable with me
as a carpet. So was Mog. So was the ole bloomin meetin. Mog she
sez "O Lord break is stubborn spirit; but don't urt is dear art."
That was wot she said. "Don't urt is dear art"! An er bloke--thirteen
stun four!--kneelin wiv all is weight on me. Funny, ain't it?
JENNY. Oh no. We're so sorry, Mr Walker.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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