His function was to operate the ship. That much he knew without doubt.
And he was well suited to operate it. His hands were properly shaped
to manipulate the controls, and he could do it automatically, without
thinking about it. He was Ship-Operator.
But the ship was not operating....
What was his function then, when the ship was not operating?
The other control devices, when not controlling, automatically shut
off. Perhaps something had gone wrong in his shut-off relay.
That was not it, either. He was not the same as the other controlling
mechanisms. He was different. Different materials, different potential
functions in his structure, all kinds of differences.
But even if it were true that he was _not_ intended to switch off when
not functioning as Ship-Operator, what was he to do?
_Think it out. Think this thing out very carefully._
Pain was a signal of improper functioning. All right. He was not
functioning properly, then, and he knew it because of the level of pain
in his head. If he could get rid of the headache, he would at the same
time be finding his proper function.
Step one, then: Get rid of the headache. And he had to do that anyway,
because he was unable to think clearly while he had it.
The headache had alleviated several times, then come back again. That
meant he had performed properly, then drifted away into--into--Wrong
was the word that came to his mind. Wrong. He had drifted into improper
functioning, and the word for that was Wrong, and his headache had come
back as a result.
All right. _When_ had the headache alleviated?
He tried to think back. The first time, the first time was when he
had found himself speaking the meaningless words into the microphone,
announcing his estimated time-to-destination. And then, when he had
closed the viewports. And throwing that Receive switch....
What did these actions have in common? What factor did they share?
Only one thing. Two, really. First, they had some connection with the
transmit-receive apparatus. Or two of the three did, at any rate. The
other factor, shared by all three acts, was that they were done almost
without his conscious will.
This, then, might be the critical factor. That he act without volition.
Relax. Completely. _Allow_ yourself to act.
He leaned back in the control chair and tried to blank his mind, tried
not to give his body any commands.
_Without volition, without willing._
He closed his eyes.
For a long while there was nothing. Then he heard the whir of
servomotors. He opened his eyes, delicately probed with his mind ...
and the headache had lessened.
He glanced up at the console, to see what he had done. A red bulb
glowed over the label AIRLOCK. He had thrown the airlock switch, then.
And it had been the "proper function" for him, because the headache had
lessened. But the out-of-range whispering had not diminished.
The airlock? He shook his head in puzzlement. But the technique seemed
to be working. What now?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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