“You believe in Home Rule for Ireland; I believe in Home Rule for
homes,” he cried eagerly to Michael. “It would be better if every
father COULD kill his son, as with the old Romans; it would be better,
because nobody would be killed. Let’s issue a Declaration of
Independence from Beacon House. We could grow enough greens in that
garden to support us, and when the tax-collector comes let’s tell him
we’re self-supporting, and play on him with the hose.... Well, perhaps,
as you say, we couldn’t very well have a hose, as that comes from the
main; but we could sink a well in this chalk, and a lot could be done
with water-jugs.... Let this really be Beacon House. Let’s light a
bonfire of independence on the roof, and see house after house
answering it across the valley of the Thames! Let us begin the League
of the Free Families! Away with Local Government! A fig for Local
Patriotism! Let every house be a sovereign state as this is, and judge
its own children by its own law, as we do by the Court of Beacon. Let
us cut the painter, and begin to be happy together, as if we were on a
desert island.”
“I know that desert island,” said Michael Moon; “it only exists in the
‘Swiss Family Robinson.’ A man feels a strange desire for some sort of
vegetable milk, and crash comes down some unexpected cocoa-nut from
some undiscovered monkey. A literary man feels inclined to pen a
sonnet, and at once an officious porcupine rushes out of a thicket and
shoots out one of his quills.”
“Don’t you say a word against the ‘Swiss Family Robinson,’” cried
Innocent with great warmth. “It mayn’t be exact science, but it’s dead
accurate philosophy. When you’re really shipwrecked, you do really find
what you want. When you’re really on a desert island, you never find it
a desert. If we were really besieged in this garden, we’d find a
hundred English birds and English berries that we never knew were here.
If we were snowed up in this room, we’d be the better for reading
scores of books in that bookcase that we don’t even know are there;
we’d have talks with each other, good, terrible talks, that we shall go
to the grave without guessing; we’d find materials for everything—
christening, marriage, or funeral; yes, even for a coronation— if we
didn’t decide to be a republic.”
“A coronation on ‘Swiss Family’ lines, I suppose,” said Michael,
laughing. “Oh, I know you would find everything in that atmosphere. If
we wanted such a simple thing, for instance, as a Coronation Canopy, we
should walk down beyond the geraniums and find the Canopy Tree in full
bloom. If we wanted such a trifle as a crown of gold, why, we should be
digging up dandelions, and we should find a gold mine under the lawn.
And when we wanted oil for the ceremony, why I suppose a great storm
would wash everything on shore, and we should find there was a Whale on
the premises.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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