"I answered that I could never again see the slightest difference
amongst women, and that after the misfortune I had experienced, I
detested them all equally. 'I will find you one,' replied my father,
smiling, 'who shall resemble Manon in beauty, but who shall be more
faithful.' 'Ah! if you have any mercy,' said I, 'you will restore my
Manon to me. Be assured, my dear father, that she has not betrayed me;
she is incapable of such base and cruel treachery. It is the
perfidious B---- who deceives both her and me. If you could form an
idea of her tenderness and her sincerity--if you only knew her, you
yourself would love her!' 'You are absolutely a child,' replied my
father. 'How can you so delude yourself, after what I have told you
about her? It was she who actually delivered you up to your brother.
You ought to obliterate even her name from your memory, and take
advantage, if you are wise, of the indulgence I am showing you.'
"I very clearly perceived that my father was right. It was an
involuntary emotion that made me thus take part with the traitor.
'Alas!' replied I, after a moment's silence, 'it is but too true that I
am the unhappy victim of the vilest perfidy. Yes,' I continued, while
shedding tears of anger, 'I too clearly perceive that I am indeed but a
child. Credulity like mine was easily gulled; but I shall be at no
loss to revenge myself.' My father enquired of me my intentions: 'I
will go to Paris,' I said, 'set fire to B----'s house, and immolate him
and the perfidious Manon together.' This burst made my father laugh,
and had only the effect of causing me to be more vigilantly watched in
my cell.
"I thus passed six long months; during the first of which my mind
underwent little change. My feelings were in a state of perpetual
alternation between hate and love; between hope and despair; according
as, the tendency of each passing thought brought Manon back to my
recollection. At one time, I could see in her the most delightful of
women only, and sigh for the pleasure of beholding her once more; at
another, I felt she was the most unworthy and perfidious of mistresses,
and I would on these occasions swear never again to seek her, but for
the purpose of revenge.
"I was supplied with books, which served to restore my peace of mind.
I read once again all my favourite authors; and I became acquainted
with new ones. All my former taste for study was revived. You will
see of what use this was to me in the sequel. The light I had already
derived from love, enabled me to comprehend many passages in Horace and
Virgil which had before appeared obscure. I wrote an amatory
commentary upon the fourth book of the AEneid. I intend one day to
publish it, and I flatter myself it will be popular.
"'Alas!' I used to exclaim, 'whilst employed on that work, it was for a
heart like mine the faithful Dido sighed, and sighed in vain!'
IV
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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