They went into the house and along a hallway to the dining room, but
there was no place set for him. He had a feeling they both thought
there was something wrong, almost immoral, about his being home at that
time of the day. It was unexpected and the unexpected has a doubtful
air. He concluded he had better explain. “I had a headache and thought
I would come home and lie down for an hour,” he said. He felt they
looked relieved, as though he had taken a load off their minds, and
smiled at the thought. “May I have a cup of tea? Will it be too much
trouble?” he asked.
While the tea was being brought he pretended to look out through
a window, but in secret studied his wife’s face. She was like her
daughter. There was nothing written on her face. Her body was getting
heavy.
She had been a tall slender girl with yellow hair when he married her.
Now the impression she gave off was of one who had grown large without
purpose, “somewhat as cattle are fattened for slaughter,” he thought.
One did not feel the bone and muscle back of her bulk. Her yellow hair
that, when she was younger, had a way of glistening strangely in the
sunlight was now rather colorless. It had the air of being dead at the
roots and there were folds of quite meaningless flesh on the face among
which little streams of wrinkles wandered.
“Her face is a blank thing, untouched by the finger of life,” he
thought. “She is a tall tower, without a foundation, that will soon
fall down.” There was something very lovely and at the same time rather
terrible to himself in the state he was now in. Things he said or
thought to himself had a kind of poetic power in them. A group of words
formed in his mind and the words had power and meaning. He sat playing
with the handle of the teacup. Suddenly a great desire to see his own
body came over him. He arose and with an apology went out of the room
and up a stairway. His wife called to him: “Jane and I are going to
drive out into the country. Is there anything I can do for you before
we go?”
He stopped on the stairs, but did not answer at once. Her voice was
like her face, a little fleshy and heavy. How odd it was for him, a
commonplace washing machine manufacturer in a Wisconsin town, to be
thinking in this way, to be noting all these little details of life.
He resorted to a trick, wanting to hear his daughter’s voice. “Did you
call to me, Jane?” he asked. The daughter answered, explaining that
it was her mother who had spoken and repeating what had been said. He
answered that he wanted nothing but to lie down for an hour and went
on up the stairs and into his own room. The daughter’s voice, like the
mother’s, seemed to represent her exactly. It was young and clear, but
had no resonance. He closed the door to his room and bolted it. Then he
began taking off his clothes.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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