Her mother was in the bathroom, standing by the little box-like
cabinet. Her face was pale, of a pasty paleness. She had to keep one
hand against the wall to keep from falling. Her eyes were gray and
heavy. There was no life in them. A heavy cloud-like film had passed
over her eyes. It was like a heavy gray cloud over the blue of the sky.
Her body rocked back and forth too. At any moment it might fall. But
a short time ago, and even amid the strangeness of the adventure in
her father’s bedroom, things had seemed suddenly quite clear. She had
understood things she had never understood before. Now nothing could be
understood. There was a whirlpool of confused thoughts and actions into
which one had been plunged.
Now her own body had begun to rock back and forth on the bed. The
fingers of her right hand were clutched over the tiny stone her father
had given her but she was, at the moment, unaware of the small round
hard thing lying in her palm. Her fists kept beating her own body, her
own legs and knees. There was something she wanted to do, something it
was now right and proper she should do. It was the time now for her to
scream, to jump off the bed, to run along the hallway to the bathroom
and tear the bathroom door open. Her mother was about to do something
one did not passively stand by and see done. She should be crying out
at the top of her voice, crying for help. There was a word that should
be on her lips now. “Don’t, don’t, don’t,” she should now be screaming.
Her lips should now be making the word ring through the house. She
should be making the house and the street on which the house stood echo
and reëcho with the word.
And she could say nothing. Her lips were sealed. Her body could not
move from the bed. It could only rock back and forth on the bed.
Her fancy kept on painting pictures, swift, vivid, terrible pictures.
There was, in the bathroom, in the cabinet, a bottle containing a brown
liquid and her mother had put up her hand and had got hold of it. Now
she had put it to her lips. She had swallowed all the contents of the
bottle.
The liquid in the bottle was brown, of a reddish brownness. Before she
had swallowed it her mother had lighted a gas light. It was directly
above her head, as she stood facing the cabinet, and the light from
it fell down over her face. There were little puffy red bags of flesh
under the eyes and they looked strange and almost revolting against
the pasty whiteness of the skin. The mouth was open and the lips were
gray too. There was a reddish brown stain running down from one corner
of the mouth, down over the chin. Some drops of the liquid had fallen
on her mother’s white nightgown. Convulsive spasms, as of pain, passed
over the pasty white face. The eyes remained closed. There was a
trembling quivering movement of the shoulders.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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