She looked up with her pleading blue eyes, like two jewels of light now,
questioning whether she might yet go one step further. Her breath came
quick and soft, he fancied it touched his cheek, though she was not tall
enough for that. She lifted her tear-wet face like a flower after a storm,
and pleaded with her eyes once more, saying in a whisper very soft and
sweet:
“If you really forgive me, then kiss me, just once, so I may remember it
always.”
It was more than he could bear. He caught her to himself and pressed his
lips upon hers in one frenzied kiss of torture. It was as if wrung from
him against his will. Then suddenly it came upon him what he had done, as
he held her in his arms, and he put her from him gently, as a mother might
put away the precious child she was sacrificing tenderly, agonizingly, but
finally. He put her from him thus and stood a moment looking at her, while
she almost sparkled her pleasure at him through the tears. She felt that
she had won.
But gradually the silence grew ominous. She perceived he was not smiling.
His mien was like one who looks into an open grave, and gazes for the last
time at all that remains of one who is dear. He did not seem like one who
had yielded a moral point and was ready now to serve her as she would. She
grew uneasy under his gaze. She moved forward and put out her hands
inviting, yielding, as only such a woman could do, and the spell which
bound him seemed to be broken. He fumbled for a moment in his waistcoat
pocket and brought out a large roll of bills which he laid upon the table,
and taking up his hat turned toward the door. A cold wave of weakness
seemed to pass over her, stung here and there by mortal pride that was in
fear of being wounded beyond recovery.
“Where are you going?” she asked weakly, and her voice sounded to her from
miles away, and strange.
He turned and looked at her again and she knew the look meant farewell. He
did not speak. Her whole being rose for one more mighty effort.
“You are not going to leave me—now?” There was angelic sweetness in the
voice, pleading, reproachful, piteous.
“I must!” he said, and his voice sounded harsh. “I have just done that for
which, were I your husband, I would feel like killing any other man. I
must protect you against yourself,—against myself. You must be kept pure
before God if it kills us both. I would gladly die if that could help you,
but I am not even free to do that, for I belong to another.”
Then he turned and was gone.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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