Produced by D Alexander and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive) MARGE ASKINFORIT BY BARRY PAIN NEW YORK DUFFIELD AND COMPANY 1921 CONTENTS AUTHOR'S NOTE 7 I. THE CATASTROPHIC FAMILY 9 II. EBULLIENT YOUTH 18 III. GLADSTONE--LLOYD GEORGE--INMEMORISON--DR. BENGER HORLICK 26 IV. THE SOLES 40 V. MISFIRES 50 VI. TESTIMONIALS--ROYAL APPRECIATION 64 VII. SELF-ESTIMATE 78 LATE EXTRA 83 "And every week you opened your hoard Of truthful and tasteful tales-- How you sat on the knees of the Laureate Lord, How you danced with the Prince of Wales-- And we knew that the Sunday Times had scored In Literature and Sales." _To Margot in Heaven._ BY CLARENCE G. HENNESSY (circa 1985). AUTHOR'S NOTE This book was suggested by the reading of some extracts from the autobiography of a brilliant lady who had much to tell us about a number of interesting people. There was a quality in that autobiography which seemed to demand parody, and no doubt the autobiographer who cannot wait for posterity and perspective will pardon a little contemporary distortion. In adding my humble wreath to the flatteries--in their sincerest form--which she has already received, I should like to point out that a parody of an autobiography should not be a caricature of the people biographed--some of whom must already have suffered enough. I have lowered the social key of the original considerably, not only to bring it within the compass of the executant, but also to make a distinction. I have increased the remoteness from real life--which was sometimes appreciable in the original--to such an extent that it should be impossible to suppose that any of the grotesques of the parody is intended for anybody in real life. Nobody in the parody is intended to be a representation, or even a misrepresentation, of any real person living or dead. For instance, Inmemorison is not intended to be a caricature of Tennyson, but the passage which deals with him is intended to parody some of the stuff that has been written about Tennyson. No doubt the author of the original has opened to the public several doors through which it is not thinkable that a parodist would care to follow her. Apart from that, parody should be brief, just as autobiography should be long--_ars brevis, vita longa_. BARRY PAIN. _October_ 8, 1920.