He gave me his name quite simply, without any attempt at rudeness or
facetiousness. I should say that this was typical of the whole character
of the man. With a beautiful and punctilious courtesy he removed his
hat--not a very good hat--on entering the house. I formed the impression
from the ease with which he did this that the practice must have been
habitual with him.
The only thing that mars this cherished memory is that it was not the
Gladstone you mean, nor any relative of his, but a gentleman of the same
name who had called to see if he could interest her ladyship in a scheme
for the recovery of some buried treasure. He did not stay long, and Lady
Bilberry said I ought to have known better.
About this time I received by post a set of verses which bear quite a
resemblance to the senile vivacity of the verses which the real
Gladstone addressed to my illustrious example of autobiographical art.
The verses I received were anonymous, and as a matter of fact the
postmark on the envelope was Beaconsfield. Still, you never know, do
you?
MARGE.
When Pentonville's over and comes the release,
With a year's supervision perhaps by the p'lice,
Your longing to meet all your pals may be large,
But make an exception, and do not ask Marge.
She's Aspasia, Pavlova, Tom Sayers, Tod Sloan,
Spinoza, and Barnum, and Mrs. Chapone;
For a bloke that has only just got his discharge,
She's rather too dazzling a patchwork, is Marge.
Never mind, never mind, you have got to go slow,
One section a year is the most you can know;
If you study a life-time, you'll jest on the barge
Of Charon with madd'ningly manifold Marge.
By the way, whenever we change houses a special pantechnicon has to be
engaged to take all the complimentary verses that have from time to time
been addressed to me. Must be a sort of something about me somehow,
don't you think?
I cannot pretend that I was on the same terms of intimate friendship
with Mr. Lloyd George. I spoke to him only once.
It was when we were in Downing Street. There was quite a crowd of us
there, and it had been an evening of exalted and roseate patriotism. I
gazed up at the window of No. 10 and said, as loudly as I could:
"Lloyd George! Lloyd George!"
Most of the others in the crowd said the same thing with equal force.
Then an uneducated policeman came up to me and asked me to pass along,
please, adding that Mr. Lloyd George was not in London. So, simply
replying "All right, face," I passalongpleased.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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