Produced by David Widger MARK TWAIN'S SPEECHES by Mark Twain CONTENTS INTRODUCTION PREFACE THE STORY OF A SPEECH PLYMOUTH ROCK AND THE PILGRIMS COMPLIMENTS AND DEGREES BOOKS, AUTHORS, AND HATS DEDICATION SPEECH DIE SCHRECKEN DER DEUTSCHEN SPRACHE GERMAN FOR THE HUNGARIANS A NEW GERMAN WORD UNCONSCIOUS PLAGIARISM THE WEATHER THE BABIES OUR CHILDREN AND GREAT DISCOVERIES EDUCATING THEATRE-GOERS THE EDUCATIONAL THEATRE POETS AS POLICEMEN PUDD'NHEAD WILSON DRAMATIZED DALY THEATRE THE DRESS OF CIVILIZED WOMAN DRESS REFORM AND COPYRIGHT COLLEGE GIRLS GIRLS THE LADIES WOMAN'S PRESS CLUB VOTES FOR WOMEN WOMAN-AN OPINION ADVICE TO GIRLS TAXES AND MORALS TAMMANY AND CROKER MUNICIPAL CORRUPTION MUNICIPAL GOVERNMENT CHINA AND THE PHILIPPINES THEORETICAL MORALS LAYMAN'S SERMON UNIVERSITY SETTLEMENT SOCIETY PUBLIC EDUCATION ASSOCIATION EDUCATION AND CITIZENSHIP COURAGE THE DINNER TO MR. CHOATE ON STANLEY AND LIVINGSTONE HENRY M. STANLEY DINNER TO MR. JEROME HENRY IRVING DINNER TO HAMILTON W. MABIE INTRODUCING NYE AND RILEY DINNER TO WHITELAW REID ROGERS AND RAILROADS THE OLD-FASHIONED PRINTER SOCIETY OF AMERICAN AUTHORS READING-ROOM OPENING LITERATURE DISAPPEARANCE OF LITERATURE THE NEW YORK PRESS CLUB DINNER THE ALPHABET AND SIMPLIFIED SPELLING SPELLING AND PICTURES BOOKS AND BURGLARS AUTHORS' CLUB BOOKSELLERS “MARK TWAIN'S FIRST APPEARANCE” MORALS AND MEMORY QUEEN VICTORIA JOAN OF ARC ACCIDENT INSURANCE—ETC. OSTEOPATHY WATER-SUPPLY MISTAKEN IDENTITY CATS AND CANDY OBITUARY POETRY CIGARS AND TOBACCO BILLIARDS THE UNION RIGHT OR WRONG AN IDEAL FRENCH ADDRESS STATISTICS GALVESTON ORPHAN BAZAAR SAN FRANCISCO EARTHQUAKE CHARITY AND ACTORS RUSSIAN REPUBLIC RUSSIAN SUFFERERS WATTERSON AND TWAIN AS REBELS ROBERT FULTON FUND FULTON DAY, JAMESTOWN LOTOS CLUB DINNER IN HONOR OF MARK TWAIN COPYRIGHT IN AID OF THE BLIND DR. MARK TWAIN, FARMEOPATH MISSOURI UNIVERSITY SPEECH BUSINESS CARNEGIE THE BENEFACTOR ON POETRY, VERACITY, AND SUICIDE WELCOME HOME AN UNDELIVERED SPEECH SIXTY-SEVENTH BIRTHDAY TO THE WHITEFRIARS THE ASCOT GOLD CUP THE SAVAGE CLUB DINNER GENERAL MILES AND THE DOG WHEN IN DOUBT, TELL THE TRUTH THE DAY WE CELEBRATE INDEPENDENCE DAY AMERICANS AND THE ENGLISH ABOUT LONDON PRINCETON THE ST. LOUIS HARBOR-BOAT “MARK TWAIN” SEVENTIETH BIRTHDAY INTRODUCTION