She was too spent to run any further. She dragged her heavy feet along
slowly, almost unconsciously, neither knowing nor caring whither they led
her. Home she could not, dared not go, bearing that heavy burden of
remorse! Mrs. Grubb would ask for Atlantic and Pacific, and then what
would become of her? Mr. Grubb would want to give Pacific her milk. No,
Mr. Grubb was dead. There! she hadn’t looked in the perambulator. No,
there wasn’t any perambulator. That was dead, too, and gone away with
Mr. Grubb. There used to be babies, two babies, in the perambulator.
What had become of them? Were they lost, too? And the umbrella that she
used to hold until her arm ached, and the poor, pale, weeping mother
always lying on a bed,—were they all gone together? Her head buzzed with
worrying, unrelated thoughts, so that she put up her hands and held it in
place on her shoulders as she shuffled wearily along. A heavy, dripping
mist began to gather and fall, and she shivered in the dampness, huddling
herself together and leaning against the houses for a shelter. She sat
down on the curb-stone and tried to think, staring haggardly at the sign
on the corner fruit-shop. In that moment she suddenly forgot the reason
of her search. She had lost—what? She could not go home to Eden Place,
but why? Oh yes! It came to her now: there was something about a
perambulator, but it all seemed vague to her. Suddenly a lamplighter put
his ladder against a post in front of her, and, climbing up nimbly,
lighted the gas-jet inside of the glass frame. It shone full on a flight
of broad steps, a picture so much a part of her life-dream that she would
go up to the very gate of heaven with its lines burned into her heart and
brain.
She crept up and turned the knob of the outer door. It was unlocked, and
she stole into the inner room, the Paradise, place of joy and sweet
content, heart’s rest, soul’s heaven, love’s own abode. The very
atmosphere soothed her. She heard the janitress clatter through the
halls, lock the door, and descend the stairs to her own rooms in the
basement. The light from the street lamps shone in at the two end
windows, so that the room was not in utter darkness. She would lie down
here and die with Mr. Grubb and the babies and the umbrella. Atlantic
and Pacific would be sure to come back; nobody who had ever known it
could live without this place. Miss Mary would find them. She would
make everything right. The mere thought of Mistress Mary brought a
strange peace into poor Lisa’s over-wrought, distraught mind.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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