It may be said--and often of course is said--that such cases as these
only prove that marriage was entered into under the influence of a
passing glamor and delusion, and that there was not much real devotion
to begin with. And no doubt there is truth enough in such remarks.
But--we may say in reply--because two young people make a mistake in
youth, to condemn them, for that reason, to lifelong suffering and
mutual degradation, or to see them so condemned, without proposing any
hope or way of deliverance, but with the one word "serves you right" on
the lips, is a course which can commend itself only to the grimmest and
dullest Calvinist. Whatever safe-guards against a too frivolous view
of the relationship may be proposed by the good sense of society in
the future, it is certain that the time has gone past when Marriage
can continue to be regarded as a supernatural institution to whose
maintenance human bodies and souls must be indiscriminately sacrificed;
a humaner, wiser, and less panic-stricken treatment of the subject must
set in; and if there are difficulties in the way they must be met by
patient and calm consideration of human welfare--superior to any law,
however ancient and respectable.
I take it then that, without disguising the fact that the question is
a complex one, and that our conclusions may be only very tentative, we
have to consider as rationally as we conveniently can, first, some of
the drawbacks or defects of the present marriage-customs, and secondly
such improvements in these as may suggest themselves to us, and as may
seem feasible.
And if we turn to the question of how things stand in the present day,
one of the first points to strike us--and one that we have already
touched on in another paper*--is the serious want of any special
teaching to young folk on matters of love and sex, and the
responsibility resting on parents and teachers to supply this want. That
one ought to distinguish a passing sex-spell from a true comradeship and
devotion is no doubt a wise remark, but that it is often difficult, even
for adults, to do so makes it all the more necessary that young people
should have some rational ideas on the subject, and above all that they
should get some understanding of the nature of that true love which
alone can make marriage a success. The search for a fitting mate,
especially among the more sensitive and highly-organised types of
mankind, is a most complex affair. And it is indeed hard that the
young man or woman should have to set out--as they mostly have to do
to-day--on this difficult quest without a word of suggestion or help,
as to the choice of the way or the very real perplexites and doubts that
beset it.
*Sex-Love, and its place in a Free Society. Labour Press,
Manchester.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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