Married Love: A New Contribution to the Solution of Sex DifficultiesStopes, Marie Carmichael
Science
Married Love: A New Contribution to the Solution of Sex Difficulties
Stopes, Marie Carmichael
Man-woman relationships; Marriage; Sex (Psychology); Sex differences; Sex in marriage
The relation between the completion of the sex act and sleep in
woman is well indicated in the case of Mrs. A., who is typical
of a large class of wives. She married a man with whom she was
passionately in love. Neither she nor her husband had ever had
connection with anyone else, and, while they were both keen and
intelligent people with some knowledge of biology, neither knew
anything of the details of human sex union. For several years her
husband had unions with her which gave him some satisfaction and
left him ready at once to sleep. Neither he nor she knew that women
should have an orgasm, and after every union she was left so "on
edge" and sleepless that never less than several hours would elapse
before she could sleep at all, and often she remained wakeful the
whole night.
After her husband's death her health improved, and in a year or two
she entered into a new relation with a man who was aware of women's
needs and spent sufficient time and attention to them to ensure a
successful completion for her as well as for himself. The result was
that she soon became a good sleeper, with the attendant benefits of
restored nerves and health.
Sleep is so complex a process, and sleeplessness the resultant of
so many different maladjustments, that it is, of course, possible
that the woman may sleep well enough, even if she be deprived of the
relief and pleasure of perfect union. But in so many married women
sleeplessness and a consequent nervous condition are coupled with a
lack of the complete sex relation, that one of the first questions a
physician _should_ put to those of his women patients who are worn
and sleepless is: Whether her husband really fulfils his marital
duty in their physical relation.
From their published statements, and their admissions to me, it
appears that many practising doctors are either almost unaware
of the very existence of orgasm in women, or look upon it as a
superfluous and accidental phenomenon. Yet to have had a moderate
number of orgasms at some time at least is a necessity for the full
development of a woman's health and all her powers.
As this book is written for those who are married, I say nothing
here about the lives of those who are still unmarried, though,
particularly after the age of thirty has been reached, they may
be very difficult and need much study and consideration. It is,
however, worth noticing how prevalent sleeplessness is among a
class of women who have never had any normal sex-life or allowed any
relief to their desires. There is little doubt that the complete
lack of a normal sex relation is one of the several factors which
render many middle-aged unmarried women nervous and sleepless.
Yet for the unmarried woman the lack is not so acute nor so
localised as it is for the married woman who is thwarted in the
natural completion of her sex-functions after they have been
directly stimulated.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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