And was there anything more than this left of the brightness of the
world from which she came? Was there not the very same emptiness in and
around herself? The life of travel was now at an end; neither her father
nor Mrs. Dawes could or would continue to lead it; this she understood.
At Krogskogen there was not one neighbour she cared for. In the town,
half an hour's journey off, there was not a human being to whom she was
bound by any tie of intimacy. She had never given herself time to make
such ties. She was at home nowhere. The life which springs from the soil
of a place and unites us to everything that grows there was not hers.
Wherever she made her appearance, the conversation seemed to stop, in
order that another subject, suited to her, might be introduced. The
globe-trotters who wandered about with her talked of incidents of
travel, of the art-galleries and the music of the towns which they were
visiting--occasionally, too, of problems which pursued them, let them
go where they would. But of these not one affected her personally. The
conventional utterances on such subjects she knew by heart. Indeed, the
whole was either a kind of practice in language, or else aimless chat to
pass the time.
The homage paid her, which at times verged on worship, had begun when
she was still a child and took it as fun. In course of time it had
become as familiar to her as the figures of a quadrille. One incident
which alarmed the whole family, a couple of incidents which were
painful, had been long forgotten; the admiration she received meant
nothing to her--she remained unsatisfied and lonely.
A convulsive start--and Frans Röy's giant form suddenly appeared before
her--so plain, so exact in the smallest detail, that she felt as if she
could not stir because of him.
He was not like the rest. Was it this that had frightened her?
The very thought of him made her tremble. Without her willing it, Alice
stood beside him, fat and sensual, with desire in her eyes.... What was
the relation between these two?... A moment of darkness, one of pain,
one of fury. Then Mary wept.
She heard a loud, dull roar, and turned in its direction. An
ocean-steamer was bearing down on them--an apparition so unexpected and
so gigantic that it took away her breath. It rose out of the sea without
warning, and rushed towards them at tremendous speed, becoming larger
and larger, a fire-mountain of great and small lights. With a roar it
came and it went. One moment, and it was seen in the far distance.
What an impression it made on her, this life rushing past on its way
from continent to continent, with its suggestion of constant, fruitful
exchange of thoughts and labour! whilst she herself lay drifting in a
little tub, which was rocked so violently by the waves from the
world-colossus that she had to cling to the first support that offered.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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