Autobiographical fiction; Feminist fiction; Women -- Fiction
She was chaste, according to the vulgar acceptation of the word, that
is, she did not make any actual _faux pas_; she feared the world, and
was indolent; but then, to make amends for this seeming self-denial, she
read all the sentimental novels, dwelt on the love-scenes, and, had she
thought while she read, her mind would have been contaminated; as she
accompanied the lovers to the lonely arbors, and would walk with them by
the clear light of the moon. She wondered her husband did not stay at
home. She was jealous--why did he not love her, sit by her side, squeeze
her hand, and look unutterable things? Gentle reader, I will tell thee;
they neither of them felt what they could not utter. I will not pretend
to say that they always annexed an idea to a word; but they had none of
those feelings which are not easily analyzed.
CHAP. II.
In due time she brought forth a son, a feeble babe; and the following
year a daughter. After the mother's throes she felt very few sentiments
of maternal tenderness: the children were given to nurses, and she
played with her dogs. Want of exercise prevented the least chance of her
recovering strength; and two or three milk-fevers brought on a
consumption, to which her constitution tended. Her children all died in
their infancy, except the two first, and she began to grow fond of the
son, as he was remarkably handsome. For years she divided her time
between the sofa, and the card-table. She thought not of death, though
on the borders of the grave; nor did any of the duties of her station
occur to her as necessary. Her children were left in the nursery; and
when Mary, the little blushing girl, appeared, she would send the
awkward thing away. To own the truth, she was awkward enough, in a house
without any play-mates; for her brother had been sent to school, and she
scarcely knew how to employ herself; she would ramble about the garden,
admire the flowers, and play with the dogs. An old house-keeper told her
stories, read to her, and, at last, taught her to read. Her mother
talked of enquiring for a governess when her health would permit; and,
in the interim desired her own maid to teach her French. As she had
learned to read, she perused with avidity every book that came in her
way. Neglected in every respect, and left to the operations of her own
mind, she considered every thing that came under her inspection, and
learned to think. She had heard of a separate state, and that angels
sometimes visited this earth. She would sit in a thick wood in the park,
and talk to them; make little songs addressed to them, and sing them to
tunes of her own composing; and her native wood notes wild were sweet
and touching.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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