MRS. GREAVES. I must tell you, perfectly frank, that there's been some talk about you. I know that lady that comes here to see you is your mother and that I don't understand. But I've heard tell of carryings on with a housemaid and it is said as you're not married. I know mothers 'll do a good deal for their sons but I must say-- LEONARD. Who says this? MRS. GREAVES. It's not only one. There's Mr. Whales, the milkman, and he does a good round and hears a lot-- LEONARD. We shall have no more dealings with Mr. Whales. MRS. GREAVES. You wouldn't, anyhow, till he got paid. MARY. No more milk? MRS. GREAVES. No, and it's not only milk. LEONARD. Mrs. Greaves, this lady is my wife and anyone who says she isn't is telling an abominable lie. I'm surprised that you should listen to such stuff. MRS. GREAVES. Of course I know she's got on a ring and all that but that's what they do and I can't afford to be out of my money; I really can't. I don't want to be hard but my account must be settled. LEONARD. Now first of all, Mrs. Greaves, you will apologise to my wife. Then we'll settle the other matter. MRS. GREAVES. I'm sure I'm sorry if there's been a mistake. I've no call to make mischief. I'll ask your pardon ma'am very willing, but Mr. Whales, he said--and he's only saying what others-- LEONARD. No more of that, now, if you want to have your bill paid. MRS. GREAVES. You can be made to pay. LEONARD. And so can you be made to pay. Do you know what you've done? MRS. GREAVES. Done? I know I've been done. LEONARD. Good, Mrs. Greaves--very good--I'm glad you can joke about it. It may be no joke for you. MRS. GREAVES. What do you mean? LEONARD. It's slander. They give very heavy damages now for slander. MRS. GREAVES. I've only mentioned what I've been told. LEONARD. Yes, that's slander. It's sometimes called defamation of character. Same thing. MRS. GREAVES. I'm sure I'd no intention at all of saying anything--I've been very lenient, too. LEONARD. Perhaps you'll give me the name of your Solicitor, Mrs. Greaves. MRS. GREAVES. What for? I haven't got a solicitor. I don't understand what you want. MARY. I think he's joking, Mrs. Greaves. LEONARD. [_With mock vexation._] Tut! tut! MRS. GREAVES. [_Doubtfully._] I know slander's a nasty law but I can't see as I've said anything. LEONARD. It's not all a joke, Mary. You may tell your Whales and people that if I hear another word about it I go straight to a Solicitor. MRS. GREAVES. I'll tell him, sir. LEONARD. Very well. You may go, Mrs. Greaves. MARY. Solicitors like to be paid, too. MRS. GREAVES. [_Turning at the door._] And what about my bill, sir? LEONARD. It shall be attended to. MRS. GREAVES. I've heard that very often. LEONARD. It is a bit stale, isn't it? I apologise for the old wheeze. Well, you see, there's the perambulator first. MRS. GREAVES. The what, sir?