"From that hour our lives were separate. I never again wore my girlish
finery; I ate as little as I could; I lived in solitude. I knew that
nothing I could say would influence him. I was condemned to futility.
It was in that year of our final quarrel you were born. O my boy, can
you understand now with what terror I looked at your little innocent
face as it lay upon my bosom? For many, many months I wished you dead
for fear of what you might become. I have watched the growth of your
father's wealth with far deeper alarm than men have ever watched the
coming of poverty. I could discern in it nothing but a threat to you.
I have wasted myself in tears and prayers for you, all the time telling
myself that prayers were in vain. And now--praise be to the God I have
insulted!--I find my prayers miraculously answered. Arthur, my son,
you have stood the test. Your soul has overcome the forces of your
blood. I live to-night, I live for the first time in twenty years, and
God restores to me the years that the locust has eaten."
Her impassioned speech thrilled him like the note of rapture in the
voice of a saint. And as she spoke, with that pale moonlight lighting
her face like a flame, it was as though the saint's halo rested on her
brow; she was the creature of a vision, ineffably pure and tender,
clothed in the eternal sacredness of motherhood. He had rested his
head upon her bosom while he wept; he knelt now, and laid it on her
knees.
"O my son, my son," she cried, "I planned for this long before you were
born, but I never thought it would come true. It was for this I
chastened myself with tears and fasting, hoping that the life I
nourished might be freed from the stain I feared. But I had no faith.
I could only bring God my timidity; I could only plead my agony; I had
no strength to bring to Him. Yet He heard me, and after all the
doubting years He has given me the desire of my heart."
"And I never understood," he whispered.
"But you understand now, and I am repaid in full," she answered. "When
I saw you go out with your father to-night into the office, I knew the
great battle of your life had come, and something told me you would not
fail."
"Yet I did fail, mother. He made me feel that I had wronged him."
"I know. He told me."
"He said I had behaved like a bad-hearted little boy. He humbled me to
the dust."
"I know that too. That is why I came to you, my dear. I knew that you
would need me."
"I do need you, mother. Everything is dark and perplexed to me. It
seems that though I have done right, I have done it in the wrong way."
"The great thing is to have done right. That atones for everything
with God, I think."
"But I don't see the next step, mother."
"We never do, till we take it. But I can see it. Shall I tell you
what it is?"
"Yes, mother."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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