“Bother Royalty!” said the Duchess. “I’ve never got anything by being Royal except to be treated like a village idiot all my life. And now you want me to give a beastly ball, at which I shall have to dance with a lot of clumsy Ambassadors. Frederick, I tell you here and now that I will not give a ball. And if you want to know my reasons for not giving a ball, they are, briefly, as follows.” They followed. “Whereas,” said His Highness, “_my_ reasons for wishing to give this confounded ball are not entirely social. Our daughter----” “You are not going to pretend, my love, that the happiness of our only daughter is influencing you in the least! You will not dare to pretend that, Frederick, considering that ever since we have been in London you have kept the poor child locked in her room.” “You know very well,” said the Duke hotly, “that we both decided that in the circumstances----” “Well, I think it’s most insanitary,” said the Duchess, “keeping the poor child locked in her room day in and day out! In the end all that will happen will be that she will lose her figure and no one will marry her at all and _then_ where are we?” “Ethelberta!” cried His Highness, leaping from the bed and looking sternly down at her. “I did not think you could carry levity so far. Woman, would you compromise with our honour and the honour of Valeria?” “If there was any money in it, my love, I would of course ask your advice first, as you know so much more than I do about selling things. I really don’t know where we would be now if you hadn’t been so clever about our neutrality during the war. Now, my love, stop being silly and get back to bed. You look too ridiculous in those bright pink pyjamas. What the Lord-in-Waiting was doing to let you buy them I can’t imagine!” “Ethelberta,” said His Highness sternly, “understand this! We are in England, at considerable expense----” “Naturally, my love, if you will buy pyjamas like that!” “---- to avenge a mortal insult to our honour. Woman, would you have our innocent daughter be spurned by the villain who seduced her?” “These are strong words!” said the Duchess. “I feel strongly about it,” said the Duke. “And anyhow, she can’t be as innocent as all that,” said the Duchess thoughtfully, “now. I know girls. Oh, dear, what fun girls have!” “Ethelberta, this English lord must die!” “All English lords must die, my love, in due course. It is a law of nature. Now come back to bed.” “I have worked the matter out very carefully, and that is why I am giving this ball. We cannot kill this coward out-of-hand by hiring some low assassin, for he is, after all, a gentleman. And besides, in this confounded country,” His Highness continued warmly, “you cannot fire a revolver without every policeman in the neighbourhood wanting to know why you did it. Therefore, the ball.” “What, are you going to fire revolvers off at our ball? My love, are you sure that will be quite safe?”