May I ask them? I am sure at heart you are too good not
to say yes or no. I want to know about Mr. Charles; whether he has
left his tower, and his papers, and all those treasures which he
was so kind as to show me; and about dear little Milly, whom I can
no longer tempt to laugh at an unbecoming moment. How I should like
to try! and to see her look of fright, which is her own, at her
wickedness; and then that delightful gravity, which is yours,
settling over her small face. I want to know everything about her,
and about your uncle;--and anything you will tell me; any little
scrap or crumb from your table--about you.
“There are a great many things I should like to tell you about
myself, if it did not seem abominable impertinence to hope that you
would take any interest in such an indifferent personage. Nobody
can be more thoroughly aware than I am how little there is to say
about me, that would be pleasant to your ear. I have had one kind
of dubious good quality in my past life, and that has been content;
now I have lost that even. What a poor sort of affair is the life
we live without thinking of it, we wretched fellows who are, I
suppose, the scum, and float on the surface of the stream, going
wherever it carries us, in a helpless, hopeless sort of way, that
must appal and disgust any one who has ever known better. Having
had a glimpse of the better, I am disgusted too, and begin to make
a fuss among the other atoms, and long to cling to something, to
oppose the power of the tide, and get some kind of independent
action into me. I wonder if you will know what I mean? How often I
find myself wondering this--asking myself if it would be
comprehensible to you; or if you would simply scorn the poorer sort
of being whose existence has been so long without plan, or purpose,
or pilot? This would be very natural; but I like to think that you
would rather try to understand, knowing what a great thing it would
be for me if you would take so much trouble. I am no theologian,
and dare not pretend to speak on such subjects; but yet, if the
angels would take the trouble to enter a little into our mortal
concerns, how much good it would do us! Do not you think so too? or
do you think I am talking nonsense? which very likely is the case,
since I want to talk the best of sense, and mean a great deal,
which I am not clever enough to say.
“May I write again soon? and will you give me a line--just a
line--three or four words, if no more, to tell me that you still
remember the existence of one who is always
“Your faithful servant,
“E. F.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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