“For repairing the Church!”
“No.”
“The Lady Chapel!”
“No.”
“For the schools!”
“No.”
Castanier went, not caring to expose himself to the sour looks that the
irritated functionaries gave him.
Outside, in the street, he looked up at the Church of Saint-Sulpice.
“What made people build the giant cathedrals I have seen in every
country?” he asked himself. “The feeling shared so widely throughout all
time must surely be based upon something.”
“Something! Do you call God _something_?” cried his conscience. “God!
God! God!...”
The word was echoed and re-echoed by an inner voice, til it overwhelmed
him; but his feeling of terror subsided as he heard sweet distant sounds
of music that he had caught faintly before. They were singing in the
church, he thought, and his eyes scanned the great doorway. But as he
listened more closely, the sounds poured upon him from all sides; he
looked round the square, but there was no sign of any musicians. The
melody brought visions of a distant heaven and far-off gleams of hope;
but it also quickened the remorse that had set the lost soul in a
ferment. He went on his way through Paris, walking as men walk who
are crushed beneath the burden of their sorrow, seeing everything
with unseeing eyes, loitering like an idler, stopping without cause,
muttering to himself, careless of the traffic, making no effort to avoid
a blow from a plank of timber.
Imperceptibly repentance brought him under the influence of the divine
grace that soothes while it bruises the heart so terribly. His face came
to wear a look of Melmoth, something great, with a trace of madness in
the greatness--a look of dull and hopeless distress, mingled with the
excited eagerness of hope, and, beneath it all, a gnawing sense of
loathing for all that the world can give. The humblest of prayers lurked
in the eyes that saw with such dreadful clearness. His power was the
measure of his anguish. His body was bowed down by the fearful storm
that shook his soul, as the tall pines bend before the blast. Like his
predecessor, he could not refuse to bear the burden of life; he
was afraid to die while he bore the yoke of hell. The torment grew
intolerable.
At last, one morning, he bethought himself how that Melmoth (now among
the blessed) had made the proposal of an exchange, and how that he had
accepted it; others, doubtless, would follow his example; for in an age
proclaimed, by the inheritors of the eloquence of the Fathers of the
Church, to be fatally indifferent to religion, it should be easy to find
a man who would accept the conditions of the contract in order to prove
its advantages.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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