Autobiographical fiction; Bildungsromans; England -- Fiction; Feminist fiction; Love stories; Sex role -- Fiction; Young women -- Fiction
It would be endless to enumerate all the little incidents that occurred;
which, however trifling they might appear in the recital, continued to
operate in one direction. Many letters passed to the same purport. My
curiosity was a consuming passion; but this inflexible, impenetrable,
man, was still silent, or alternately evaded, and resented, my
enquiries. We continued, occasionally, to meet, but generally in
company.
CHAPTER IV
During the ensuing summer, Mr Harley proposed making a visit to his
mother, and, calling to take his leave of me, on the evening preceding
his journey, accidentally found me alone.--We entered into conversation
on various subjects: twilight stole upon us unperceived. The obscure
light inspired me with courage: I ventured to resume a subject, so often
discussed; I complained, gently, of his reserve.
'Could I suppose,' he asked, 'that he had been without _his share_ of
suffering?'
I replied something, I scarce know what, adverting to his stronger mind.
'Strength!' said he, turning from me with emotion, 'rather say,
weakness!'
I reiterated the important, the so often proposed, enquiry--'Had he, or
had he not, a _present, existing, engagement_?'
He endeavoured to evade my question--I repeated it--He answered, with
a degree of impatience, '_I cannot tell you_; if I could, do you think
I would have been silent so long?'--as once, before, he spoke of the
circumstances of his past life, as being of '_a singular, a peculiar,
nature_.'
At our separation, I asked, if he would write to me during his absence.
'Certainly, he would.' The next morning, having some little commissions
to execute for Mrs Harley, I sent them, accompanied by a few lines, to
her son.
'Why is it,' said I, 'that our sagacity, and penetration, frequently
desert us on the most interesting occasions? I can read any mind with
greater facility than I can read your's; and, yet, what other have I
so attentively studied? This is a problem I know not how to solve. One
conclusion will force itself upon me--if a mistaken one, whom have you
to blame?--That an _honourable_, suitable, engagement, could have given
no occasion for mystery.' I added, 'I should depend on hearing from him,
according to his promise.'
Week after week, month after month, wore away, and no letter arrived.
Perturbation was succeeded by anxiety and apprehension; but hearing,
through my maternal friend, Mrs Harley, of the welfare of this object
of our too tender cares, my solicitude subsided into despondency. The
pressure of one corroding train of ideas preyed, like a canker-worm,
upon my heart, and destroyed all its tranquillity.
In the beginning of the winter, this mysterious, inexplicable, being,
again returned to town. I had undertaken a little business, to serve
him, during his absence--I transmitted to him an account of my
proceedings; subjoining a gentle reproach for his unkind silence.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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