Autobiographical fiction; Bildungsromans; England -- Fiction; Feminist fiction; Love stories; Sex role -- Fiction; Young women -- Fiction
'You promised you would write to me,' said I, 'during your residence
in ----shire. I therefore depended upon hearing from you; and, yet, I
was disappointed. You should not, indeed you should not, make these
experiments upon my mind. My sensibility, originally acute, from having
been too much exercised, has become nearly morbid, and has almost
unfitted me for an inhabitant of this world. I am willing to believe,
that your conduct towards me has originated in good motives, nevertheless,
you have made some sad mistakes--you have _deeply_, though undesignedly,
wounded me: I have been harrassed, distressed, mortified. You know not,
neither will I attempt to describe, all I have suffered! language would
be inadequate to paint the struggles of a delicate, susceptible, mind,
in some peculiar and interesting situations.
'You may suspect me of wanting resolution, but strong, persevering
affections, are no mark of a weak mind. To have been the wife of a man
of virtue and talents was my dearest ambition, and would have been my
glory: I judged myself worthy of the confidence and affection of such a
man--I felt, that I could have united in his pursuits, and shared his
principles--aided the virtuous energies of his mind, and assured his
domestic comforts. I earnestly sought to inspire you with tenderness,
from the conviction, that I could contribute to your happiness, and to
the worth of your character. And if, from innumerable associations, I
at length loved your person, it was the magnanimity of your conduct, it
was your virtues, that first excited my admiration and esteem. But you
have rejected an attachment originating in the highest, the purest,
principles--you have thrown from you a heart of exquisite sensibility,
and you leave me in doubt, whether you have not sacrificed that heart
to prejudice. Yet, contemned affection has excited in my mind no
resentment; true tenderness is made up of gentle and amiable emotions;
nothing hostile, nothing severe, can mix with it: it may gradually
subside, but it will continue to soften the mind it has once subdued.
'I see much to respect in your conduct, and though, it is probable, some
parts of it may have originated in mistaken principles, I trust, that
their source was pure! I, also, have made many mistakes--have been
guilty of many extravagances. Yet, distrust the morality, that sternly
commands you to pierce the bosom that most reveres you, and then to call
it virtue--_Yes! distrust and suspect its origin!_' I concluded with
expressing a wish to see him--'_merely as a friend_'--requesting a line
in reply.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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