“My time, sorry am I to say, has passed heavily of late. Such backwardness to communion with God, such slothfulness in His service: so many painful apprehensions with regard to temporal inconveniences: so many distressing doubts with regard to retaining Stoke! You, perhaps, will not wonder when I tell you that, what with inward conflict and outward service, I am brought very low; or that these unbelieving fears have provoked the Holy Spirit of God to leave me, in some measure, to wrestle with those inward and hidden corruptions of my heart, which, like a troubled sea, throw up mire and dirt in abundance. Yet by this, if by nothing else, do I know that the Lord favours me, since my enemies, who have assaulted me so continually, have not prevailed against me. And though my soul is cast down; yet do I not doubt but that, when the Lord sees fit, I shall praise Him, and again rejoice in the God of my salvation. “You desire to know how I go on, that is, I suppose, how the work of the Lord prospers. O that I had more to tell you on this head! At Sewstern, I have reason to fear that my hopes were too sanguine. Miss N. was last week attacked very suddenly with a fainting fit. It happened to be the day I was to drink tea with them. I found them much alarmed; and, it gave me an opportunity of speaking on the necessity of a speedy application to Christ.... May the Spirit of God apply it to their hearts! At Easton, I was called to visit a woman who has been long confined, though till lately unknown to me. I trust that the Lord has indeed visited her in mercy. I found her at first in a very contented state, supposing, (in her own words), that she had ‘a good repenting heart.’ I endeavoured to convince her that by nature no one has a repenting heart, but on the contrary that it is only evil, yea ‘desperately wicked.’ On my return a few days after, I found her in much anxiety, saying that she had been deceived in her opinion of herself, &c.; and though her doubts are not yet removed, I trust she disclaimed all other ground of confidence but the Redeemer’s merits. This is matter of much comfort to me; and O what comfort that I have myself been taught these things! Might I not have been ‘a blind leader of the blind.’ Might I not still have been the slave of Satan, and been his instrument in destroying souls? ‘O to grace how great a debtor!’” “April 25, 1803.