Memorials and Other Papers — Volume 1De Quincey, Thomas
General
Memorials and Other Papers — Volume 1
De Quincey, Thomas
English essays
Some months after this, the Laxton party quitted Manchester, having no
further motive for staying. Mrs. Schreiber was now confessedly dying:
medical skill could do no more for her; and this being so, there was
no reason why she should continue to exchange her own quiet little
Rutlandshire cottage for the discomforts of smoky lodgings. Lady Carbery
retired like some golden pageant amongst the clouds; thick darkness
succeeded; the ancient torpor reestablished itself; and my health grew
distressingly worse. Then it was, after dreadful self-conflicts, that
I took the unhappy resolution of which the results are recorded in the
"Opium Confessions." At this point, the reader must understand, comes
in that chapter of my life; and for all which concerns that delirious
period I refer him to those "Confessions." Some anxiety I had, on
leaving Manchester, lest my mother should suffer too much from this rash
step; and on that impulse I altered the direction of my wanderings; not
going (as I had originally planned) to the English Lakes, but making
first of all for St. John's Priory, Chester, at that time my mother's
residence. There I found my maternal uncle, Captain Penson, of the
Bengal establishment, just recently come home on a two years' leave of
absence; and there I had an interview with my mother. By a temporary
arrangement I received a weekly allowance, which would have enabled me
to live in _any_ district of Wales, either North or South; for Wales,
both North and South, is (or at any rate _was_) a land of exemplary
cheapness. For instance, at Talyllyn, in Merionethshire, or anywhere
off the line of tourists, I and a lieutenant in our English navy paid
sixpence uniformly for a handsome dinner; sixpence, I mean, apiece. But
two months later came a golden blockhead, who instructed the people that
it was "sinful" to charge less than three shillings. In Wales, meantime,
I suffered grievously from want of books; and fancying, in my
profound ignorance of the world, that I could borrow money upon my own
expectations, or, at least, that I could do so with the joint security
of Lord Westport (now Earl of Altamont, upon his father's elevation to
the Marquisate of Sligo), or (failing _that_) with the security of his
amiable and friendly cousin, the Earl of Desart, I had the unpardonable
folly to quit the deep tranquillities of North Wales for the uproars,
and perils, and the certain miseries, of London. I had borrowed ten
guineas from Lady Carbery; and at that time, when my purpose was known
to nobody, I might have borrowed any sum I pleased. But I could never
again avail myself of that resource, because I must have given some
address, in order to insure the receipt of Lady Carbery's answer; and in
that case, so sternly conscientious was she, that, under the notion of
saving me from ruin, my address would have been immediately communicated
to my guardians, and by them would have been confided to the unrivalled
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