When Mr. and Mrs. Fields were invited to Hanover, he and his beautiful
wife were always guests at our home. Their first visit to us was an
epoch for me. I worked hard the morning before they were to arrive,
sweeping, dusting, polishing silver, and especially brightening the
large, brass andirons in father's library. I usually scoured with
rotten stone and oil, but on this great occasion, adopting a receipt
which I had happened to see in a newspaper, I tried vinegar and
powdered pumice-stone. The result at first was fine.
I had barely time after all this to place flowers about the house and
dress, and then to drive in our old carryall, with our older horse, to
the station at Norwich, just across the Connecticut River, to meet the
distinguished pair and escort them to our house. As I heard the train
approaching, and the shrill whistle, I got nervous, and my hands
trembled. How would they know me? And what had I better say? My aged
and spavined horse was called by father "Rosinante" for Don Quixote's
bony steed, also "Blind Guide" and "Heathen Philosopher." He looked
it--and my shabby carryall! But the train was snorting for a stop,
and the two guests soon came easily to my vehicle, and Mr. Fields
seemed to know me. Both shook hands most cordially and were soon in
the back seat, full of pleasant chat and the first exciting ordeal was
over. At tea table Mr. and Mrs. Fields sat on either side of father,
and the stories told were different from any I had ever heard. I found
when the meal was over I had not taken a mouthful. Next we all went to
the College Church for the lecture, and on coming home we had an
evening lunch. All ate heartily but me. I ventured to tell one story,
when Mr. Fields clapped his hands and said, "Delightful." That was
food to me! I went to bed half starved, and only took enough breakfast
to sustain life. Before they left I had written down and committed to
memory every anecdote he had given. They have never been printed until
now, and you may be sure they are just as my hero told them. My only
grief was the appearance of my andirons. I invited our guests to the
open fire with pride, and the brass was covered with black and
green--not a gleam of shine.
Often Mr. Fields's jokes were on himself--as the opinion of a man in
the car seat just beyond him, as they happened to be passing Mr.
Fields's residence on the Massachusetts coast. The house was pointed
out on "Thunderbolt Hill" and his companion said, "How is he as a
lecturer?"
"Well," was the response, "he ain't Gough by a d----d sight."
How comically he told of a country druggist's clerk to whom he put the
query, "What is the most popular pill just now?" And the quick answer,
"Schenk's--they do say the Craowned Heads is all atakin' of 'em!"
Or the request for his funniest lecture for the benefit of a hearse in
a rural hamlet!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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