When Mlle. Elsnitz, her long-suffering companion--‘young, only
nineteen, unfortunate, in a strange house without a friend’--at last,
after suffering many things, leaves the service, it is recorded:
‘I could not speak for fear of crying, and I affected a careless look,
but I hope she may have seen.’
Seen what? Why, that the carelessness was unreal. A quite sufficient
reparation for months of insolence, in the opinion of Miss Marie.
It is said that Mlle. Bashkirtseff had a great faculty of enjoyment.
If so, except in the case of books, she hardly makes it felt. Reading
evidently gave her great pleasure; but, though there is a good deal of
rapture about Nature in her journals, it is of an uneasy character.
‘The silence that is in the starry sky,
The sleep that is amongst the lonely hills,’
do not pass into the souls of those whose ambition it is to be greeted
with loud cheers by the whole wide world.
Whoever is deeply interested in himself always invents a God whom he
can apostrophize on suitable occasions. The existence of this deity
feeds his creator’s vanity. When the world turns a deaf ear to his
broken cries he besieges heaven. The Almighty, so he flatters himself,
cannot escape him. When there is no one else to have recourse to, when
all other means fail, there still remains--God. When your father, and
your mother, and your aunt, and your companion, and your maid, are all
wearied to death by your exhaustless vanity, you have still another
string to your bow. Sometimes, indeed, the strings may get entangled.
‘Just now, I spoke harshly to my aunt, but I could not help it. She
came in just when I was weeping with my hands over my face, and was
summoning God to attend to me a little.’
A book like this makes one wonder what power, human or divine, can
exorcise such a demon of vanity as that which possessed the soul of
this most unhappy girl. Carlyle strove with great energy in ‘Sartor
Resartus’ to compose a spell which should cleave this devil in three.
For a time it worked well and did some mischief, but now the magician’s
wand seems broken. Religion, indeed, can still show her conquests, and,
when we are considering a question like this, seems a fresher thing
than it does when we are reading ‘Lux Mundi.’
‘Do you want,’ wrote General Gordon in his journal, ‘to be loved,
respected, and trusted? Then ignore the likes and dislikes of man in
regard to your actions; leave their love for God’s, taking Him only.
You will find that as you do so men will like you; they may despise
some things in you, but they will lean on you, and trust you, and
He will give you the spirit of comforting them. But try to please
men and ignore God, and you will fail miserably and get nothing but
disappointment.’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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