Artists -- Fiction; English fiction -- 20th century; Jews -- England -- London -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
He grasped them like a child seizing a pretty toy, but when they were
in his grasp he was no longer like a child. A single impulse thrilled
through all his body and made it strong even as a giant. With one easy
swing of his arm he pulled her to him, held her with a vast
tenderness, and held her so, gazing into her face. Her lips parted,
and he kissed them. . . .
It was she who first found words:--
"Oh Mendel! I do love you."
He was amazed at his own strength, at his own tenderness. . . . So
that was a kiss! And this, this, this was love! It was incredible! How
sweet and easy were his emotions. He was as free and light as the wind
in the leaves.
She had slipped from his arms, but she was singing through all his
veins, she and no other, she and nothing else in the world. And he was
in her, perfectly, beautifully aware of her body and of the ecstasy in
it, of the tree above them, of the dove-coloured clouds, of the cool
green grass, of the yellow earth crumbling out of the mound yonder,
and of the ecstasy in them all.
So for many moments they lay in silence, until as suddenly as it had
come his strength left him, and he broke into a passionate babble of
words:--
"You must not send flowers to Mitchell, because he cannot love you and
I can. He knows nothing, and I know a great deal. I know women and the
ways of women, for many have loved me, but I have loved none but you.
No woman has been my friend except my mother. I did not look for any
woman to be like my mother. I am not an Englishman who can love with
pretty words. I love, and it is like that tree, growing silently until
it dies. It has stolen on me as softly as the night, and I sink into
it as I sink into the night, to sleep. It is as though the dark night
were suddenly filled with stars and all the stars had become flowers
and poured their honey into my thoughts. When your white hands were in
the grass they were like flowers and they seemed to belong to me, as
all beautiful things belong to me because I can love them."
She came nearer to him and laid her hand on his, and she said:--
"I am very, very happy."
And she laughed and added:--
"I _was_ glad when you made that catch."
He was beyond laughter. For him laughter was for trivial things. She
had stopped the flow of his thoughts, the rush of his emotions up into
his creative consciousness. Wave upon wave of passion surged through
him, racked him, tortured him, tossing his soul this way and that,
threatening to hurl it down and smash it on the hardness of his
nature. He set his teeth and would not wince. If she could laugh she
could know nothing of that. She was shallow, she was young. . . . Was
it because he was a Jew that he seemed so old compared with her? . . .
What was it she lacked that she could laugh and leave him to the
torment she had provoked?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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