Artists -- Fiction; English fiction -- 20th century; Jews -- England -- London -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
He knew that he must understand or perish. To say that he was in love
was hopelessly inadequate. He knew how people were when they were in
love. They were like Rosa, like animals, stupid and thick-sighted,
with a thickening in their blood. But he was possessed with a
clairvoyance that made everything round him seem transparent and
flimsy, while thought crept stealthily, like a cat on a wall, and
emotion was confounded.
* * * * *
For days he had hardly left his studio, and it was only with the
greatest effort that he could bring himself to join Logan at the Paris
Café. He felt weak, and the streets looked very strange, clear and
bright, as they do to a convalescent. As he entered the café it seemed
years since he had been there, ages since he had sat there trembling
with excitement as he waited for the great Calthrop to come in. He
remembered that excitement so vividly that something like it came
rushing up in him, and he clutched at it for relief. . . . Calthrop
was there with his little court of models and students. Mendel found
himself laughing nervously as he stood and waited for the great man to
recognize him. Calthrop looked up and nodded to him. He was wildly,
absurdly delighted. He rushed over to Logan and Oliver and shook them
enthusiastically by the hand.
"Isn't it a splendid place?" he cried.
"Have something to drink," said Logan. "You've been overworking."
"You must say it's a splendid place," insisted Mendel, "or I shall go
home. Just by that table where Calthrop is sitting is where I was
arrested."
"Oh, which is Calthrop?" asked Oliver eagerly.
"The big man over there," said Mendel. "I was arrested just there, and
I had to go on my knees to the manager to make him allow me to come
here again. I had to apologize to him. At the time it was the greatest
tragedy of my life."
He had forgotten his dislike for Oliver in his elation at finding
himself gay again, and he chattered on of the days when the café had
seemed to him a heaven full of heroes. Oliver listened to him like a
child. She loved stories, and she leaned forward and drank in his
words, and she appeared to him as a very beautiful woman, desirable,
intoxicating. Yet because Logan was his friend he would not envy him,
but rejoiced in his possession of this rare treasure, a woman who
could deliver up to him all the warm secrets of life. And he could not
help saying so, and telling them how happy it made him to be with
them.
Logan and Oliver glanced at each other, and their hands met in a
fierce grip under the table. Mendel could not see more than their
glance, but the meeting of their eyes sent a flame like a white-hot
sword darting at his heart. The sharp pain released him, and sent him
shooting up into a wilder gaiety.
He felt a hand on his shoulder, and, turning with a start, he saw Mr.
Sivwright, his first master, standing above him. He rose and shook
hands.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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